CNN anchor Anderson Cooper has been accused of stealing jokes for the dramatic reading he did of Shore Thing, the first novel by Snooki, the greatest literary mind of our generation. Apparently a Fox station in Charlotte has nothing better to do than go after Anderson Cooper. How silly.

Some would argue that she never left, that she's just staying in it, but either way, her new movie performed pretty well. So did Transformers, duh. Though Zookeeper fared less well.

The blonde moptop was going places on TV's Glee until he abruptly wasn't. Also today: Bridesmaids is super successful, the new Chelsea Handler sitcom is not, and some info on actresses' paychecks.

The fallout from Nic Cage's night of drunken thrashing continues. Robert Pattinson's fear of clowns is actually quite reasonable. Charlie Sheen has terrible body odor. Some actress bitchslaps Paris Hilton on Twitter. Here's your Tuesday gossip.

David Letterman set an awkward tone when he started a conversation by saying "I know Kevin has a bit of a weight problem." Vince Vaughn then tells a long story about the green juices they both drank on the set.

Why do they keep insisting on torturing us so? Also today: Matthew Perry vs. Courteney Cox!, Topher Grace gets a costar, and Eliza Dushku has disappointed millions. (Well, maybe not millions.)

After receiving criticism from Anderson Cooper and GLAAD, Universal has removed a dumb gay joke from its trailer for the new Vince Vaughn movie The Dilemma. This is a huge blow to Americans' right to make dumb gay jokes.

Here's a trailer for the Vince Vaughn/Kevin James joint The Dilemma, about a dude (Vaughn) who discovers that the wife (Ryder) of his best friend/business partner (James) is cheating on him with Channing Tatum. To tell the friend or not?

Not as much as Roseanne won in the lottery, but still a lot. Also today: House's sexy doctor lady gets a new movie role, as does sexy Kevin James, while Robert Redford's latest movie gets a deal.

Before Kevin James was a star in some of the unfunniest movies and television shows of all time, he was an accomplished standup comic. Here he discusses movies and car doors.

In real life, fat guys never get the girl. Duh. But real life be damned! In TV land, anything is possible...including being a fat slob and still having a sexy and sometimes submissive wife. These are those lucky men.

Schlubby actors Kevin James and Vince Vaughn schlub it up in a movie. Jim Beluschi will schlub it up in a a TV drama. The UK Doesn't like Alice in Wonderland. Trade Roundup: Safety glasses required beyond this point.

Gossip Cindy Adams celebrates her 79th birthday today. Barbra Streisand is 67. Designer Jean-Paul Gaultier turns 57. Mets star Carlos Beltran is turning 32. Playwright Eric Bogosian is 56. Djimon Hounsou (and Kimora Lee's significant other) is 45. Political reporter Andrew Kirtzman turns 48. Mystery writer Sue Grafton is turning 69. Veteran diplomat Richard Holbrook is 67. Kelly Clarkson is 27. Cedric the Entertainer is turning 45. And Shirley MacLaine is 75. Weekend birthdays—including that of the newly-named worst CEO ever, Dick Fuld, this Sunday—after the jump!

· The whole Blart team has reconvened for The Zookeeper, the story of "a lonely zookeeper...leading to intervention by the zoo's animals." He settles for a nice Tufted Capuchin in the end. [Variety]

· Kevin James and Adam Sandler will join Chris Rock, Rob Schneider and David Spade in a Columbia comedy about "five best friends from high school who reunite 30 years later on July 4th weekend."

You can second- and third-guess the success of Paul Blart: Mall Cop all you want — just don't let Bob Dole's press secretary hear you bad-mouthing it. He really doesn't like that.

What color is your Monday morning misery? Pink slip? Blue pregnancy-test result? Black asymmetrical mole? Desaturate the pain with some box office numbers:

Greetings from the 2009 Sundance Film Festival, where your Defamer team is currently piled into a Park City youth hostel, blissfully unaware that we'll soon be tortured by international-film-buyers for sport. Your box office numbers:

After offending gays, Asians, and audiences with its ignoble release last summer, the Adam Sandler gay marriage vehicle I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry has found itself back in the news this week with equally confounding results. According to the Washington Post (via Videogum), new legislation that could provide employee benefit programs to the partners of gay federal employees is under siege thanks to Office of Personnel Management deputy director Howard C. Weizmann, who cites the Sandler movie as reason enough not to put the plan into action:

We're more than a little disappointed to find that nobody has yet uploaded any video, audio or any record whatsoever of Adam Sandler, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen or Kevin James's stand-up sessions last Saturday at UCB. The quartet was concluding rehearsals MC Judd Apatow's forthcoming comedian opus Funny People, insights into which we'd gone all the way to Canada to retrieve as recently as July. Then we miss one night in Franklin Village and it's radio silence. Folks, step it up. We're serious. It's not a Beatles reunion or anything, but if we have to read abstractly about Hill biting it or Rogen defaulting to his imaginative zenith of airplane flatus, there's no reason we shouldn't be able to see or hear it in all its stumbling, meandering glory: