Last spring, after a ricin-tainted letter was sent to President Obama, the FBI arrested Paul Kevin Curtis, an Elvis impersonator and Prince super-fan from Mississippi, on suspicion of mailing the poison correspondence. But then a week later, charges against Curtis were dropped and soon another Mississippi musician was taken into custody, Tae Kwon Do instructor J. Everett Dutschke, who turned out to be Curtis's bitter rival. In the October issue of GQ, author/writer Wells Tower digs into the feud and the whole thing gets weirder—so so so much weirder.

Remember in high school, when your laziest teachers would invite in terribly ineffectual special guests to entertain the class, usually on Fridays right before vacation week? And while you'd be happy these guests freed you from any actual responsibility, you always wondered why "they" didn't just give you a Half Day, because no one wanted to be here anyway, except maybe the poor saps who'd been cajoled into thinking their expertise meant something to a room of indifferent clock-watchers?