Today's Page Six lends an uncharacteristically sympathetic ear to Kathy Griffin, who found out that E! had rolled up her heavily nip/tucked body in a red carpet and tossed her in the river only when her lawyer tried to find out about her Golden Globes assignment:

We've been away for a couple of days, blissfully unaware of the recent celebrity decouplings, but bear with us as we take a quick inventory: Kenny "'Fraud' Means Exactly What You Think It Means" Chesney and Renee Zellweger, annulling. Tori Spelling and that guy, divorcing. Two very pretty people from a WB show we've never seen, but whom were married for about ten minutes, separating. And in what we're sure will make for a terribly poignant thirty second segment on E!'s 50 Least Consequential Semi-Celebrity Divorce Filings, Kathy Griffin and her much-suffering husband are calling it quits. Are we caught up yet? Clearly, God is punishing us for taking time off (we're having flashbacks of the time we took a shower and missed the announcement about the Brad and Jen split); we expect that if we take a lunch hour today, He will test us by sending down a frog-storm of news of life-changing importance, perhaps about how Donald Trump's sperm is still motile. What? Oh, shit.

· Jeff Gossett, who closed the New York Moomba, to open Moomba LA, is now closing the West Coast club as well. [Page Six]
· Kathy Griffin can't tell the difference between Stephen Baldwin and Billy Baldwin. Neither can the Page Six photo editors, apparently. At the moment, a raven-haired, smiling Billy is captioned as "Stephen Baldwin." [Page Six]
· Visitors spotted passing coins to incarcerated Ex-Sotheby's honcho, Al Taubman, so he has money for the commissary. [Cindy Adams]
· European comments, "Joel Steinberg's getting out, Robert Chambers is coming out, that Central Park Jogger bunch is already out. Felons are going free, and smokers are getting arrested." [Cindy Adams]
· Sharon Osbourne refuses designer freebies because "I don't get the same buzz unless I pay for it!" [Liz Smith]
· Cosmopolitans and apple martinis are out; MOs (Bacardi O and Merlins) are in. [Liz Smith]
· Monica Lewinsky, apparently in the mood to be a good little choir girl, is throwing pizza parties with games and make-your-own sundaes. Ivana Trump joins The Donald in vowing revenge for the beer stein tossed at Don Junior's head at a Greenwich Village comedy club. [NY Daily News]