The Washington Post's Kathleen Parker congratulates herself this morning for having the courage to "go, tippy toe" into "the race fray":

Kathleen Parker—who, despite ample evidence of unfitness for the position, is still a professional newspaper columnist—seems confused today. Is all this "income inequality" talk even a real thing?

Kathleen Parker, the Washington Post's Pulitzer Prize-winning(!) racial alarmist columnist, ended her year proudly by being named one of the Least Important Writers of 2013. In honor of that, she's made sure that her latest column immediately qualifies her as one of the Least Important Writers of 2014.

Kathleen Parker, a syndicated columnist not worth reading, is one of America's foremost advocates of Racism as Common Sense. "Please," we beg her, "won't you offer your take on the shooting of a white man by some black youths, in order to unwittingly expose your own prejudices?" Yes, she will.

No matter how great the backlash, the venerable Washington Post is determined to publish explanations from white columnists of why Trayvon Martin's death was actually very understandable. Today: Kathleen Parker says that racial profiling is "common sense." Oh yes.

One thing that's essential in the ongoing discussion about how to regulate guns, everyone agrees, is to hear the voices of ordinary, law-abiding gun owners. So here's columnist Kathleen Parker in the Washington Post, explaining why proposed gun restrictions won't prevent gun crime:

In your gusty Friday media column: Kathleen Parker may be doomed, Adweek's big reinvention approaches, the Iraqi shoe-thrower gets nabbed again, the USA vs. James Risen, and Dylan Ratigan's not holy after all.

In your buggy Monday media column: Kathleen Parker's exact worth is pinpointed, the HuffPo-AOL merger dissection and fallout begins, complaints about The Daily increase, and beware of Al Jazeerans attempting to infiltrate America via television screens.

According to The Wall Street Journal, CNN is considering dumping Parker Spitzer's Kathleen Parker and replacing her. But who could bring the same ability to sit there and not talk? Ashley Dupre? Piers Morgan? Ted Williams? A piece of string?

An unidentifiable, maybe-Miley naked picture circulates the internet. Eva and Tony reunite for lunch. Jessica Simpson proves she's not pregnant by doing shots. Jon Gosselin gets a job. Thursday gossip is old for its age.

Utterly unwatched CNN newsgimmick show Parker Spitzer is getting some much-needed publicity today, in the form of a rumored threat by cohost Kathleen Parker to leave the show. Oh no, they wouldn't want to lose Kathleen Parker, ha ha.

This clip is part of a sequence called "Unfinished Business," an apparently regular segment where Spitzer will bring on guests to talk about cases he prosecuted while he was attorney general of New York. Tonight's guest: Henry Blodget, the former Merrill Lynch employee whose career as an analyst was torpedoed by Spitzer (Blodger is also the CEO of Business Insider). After an endless introduction, Henry bounds out and proceeds to, well, have a weird sort of heart-to-heart with Spitzer? I don't know, it sounds like a version of a coffee date with an ex-girlfriend where everyone is feeling magnanimous and ready for closure. (Can't wait for the "Unfinished Business" segment with Ashley Dupré.)

Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker has just moved to NYC for her new CNN show, the somehow raunchy-sounding Parker Spitzer. But she's already whining about the "bureaucrats." Why won't Michael Bloomberg allow cable guys to eat doughnuts?

• The finger-snappin' jazzy score

What happens when sex fiend Eliot Spitzer and Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker get together on CNN at 8 p.m.? They make out. No, they talk about politics 'n' stuff! Introducing your new CNN primetime debate show.

The Pulitzer Prizes came out today. One went to a columnist who wrote two years ago that Barack Obama was ethnically unequipped to understand America, and another went to the greatest songwriter of all time. Both of them were mistakes.

Conservative columnist Kathleen Parker says that Mark Sanford's vanishing act is a "brilliant" political maneuver.