Kind of like a Harry Potter book, right? Michael Lohan's now Jon Gosselin's contracts expert. Nothing but squares at the Daily News. Robert Pattinson hates his life. Carrie Prejean: monumentally stupider than previously imagined. Here's your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Today's theme: Creepy family moments involving digital recording devices. Miss California's mom saw her solo sex tape, Michael Lohan sold "secret recordings" of Lindsay, and we assess the likelihood for a Jon Gosselin Playgirl spread. Horrifying gossip, here we come.

Michael Lohan wants to outdo the Nixon Tapes by slinging audio of calls with Dina and Lilo. Carrie Prejean's mom saw her sex tape. Chris Brown, Jon Gosselin, Anna Wintour, TMZ, Homie D. Clown. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.