A lawless goat—or a billy the kid, if you will—is currently in custody in New Jersey on a litany of charges, including disorderly behavior, trespass, and first-degree larceny (for stealing my damn heart.)

Musician Patti Smith won the nonfiction National Book Award on Wednesday for her memoir Just Kids, while Jaimy Gordon's Lord of Misrule came out of nowhere (well, Kingston, N.Y.) to win the fiction prize. Everyone was very surprised! And drunk.