Apparently not ready to settle for a professional twilight of signing headshots at Batman conventions, 74-year-old Original Catwoman Julie Newmar has taken out the back cover of AdWeek to publicize her availability as an "unretouched & unretired" corporate spokesperson. Her rep's phone number is helpfully included on the pitch, though we imagine that photo will probably have him fielding as many offers to play parts like "supercougar mentor to Kim Catrall" as product-endorsement opportunities. [Copyranter]

Today's Britney haircolor has the concerned citizens at the Post, well, concerned-er: they don't even recognize the "bloated" "pop tart" anymore, and they wonder how she can get back into "the nubile shape of her glory days." Luckily, LA expert-for-rent Robert R. Butterworth, Ph.D. is here with some answers. "Other than a brain operation, I think she's going to have to get a personal trainer and work as hard as Madonna does," he tells the Post. Ahh, yes, the old "brain operation" — our psychologist suggests that all the time. Anyway, another of Butterworth's resonant insights is that even aging ex-Catwoman Julie Newmar is looking less haggard than Britney these days: "At 70, this woman looks better than Britney at 25!" We trusted Butterworth's expertise on the brain operation front, but this assertion seemed more specious. So we looked into it.