J.Lo's beauty regimen solves unemployment. Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper break up. Elin Nordegren moves back to America. Tom Cruise gives Katie Holmes a sewing machine, so she can make aprons. Saturday gossip is high maintenance.

It involves a violent Samantha Ronson confrontation. Sandra Bullock gets a mistress apology. Marc Jacobs breaks up with his boytoy. Bret Michael remains in the ICU. Mariah isn't preggers. Monday's gossip roundup has all the answers.

Dozens of minor celebrities are currently crisscrossing the country to collect piles of cash for nightclub appearances. Snooki gets $10,000. Kim Kardashian is yours for $50,000. But why do promoters pay? They tell us they have no choice.

The worst television show in the world bounces depressingly along, bringing us to new and exciting places, and old and awful ones. People were asked to leave and begged to stay. The heart rages on.

Housing Works, an AIDS and homelessness organization, opened its new thrift shop in Midtown last night. We were there along with some Real Housewives, Marc Jacobs' boyfriend, a Bravo boss, and a "day gay." We even got some questions answered.

Remember High Society? It's that Tinsley Mortimer reality show that's most notable for Jules Kirby, a drunken partygirl who says bad things about blacks, Jews, and gays. Now she's claiming that the CW put those words in her mouth.

An "intuitive psychic" healer named Aiden is her new manager. James Brown's body goes missing from its crypt. Socialite shocked to discover racism, anti-semitism, homophobia make you unpopular. Corey Haim died of a too-big heart. Friday gossip is so alone.

Tinsley Mortimer's bargain-basement CW reality show premiered last night! Boy was it an ugly mess. It's gotten to the point where I can't really tell if shows like this are actually entertaining or not. I just watch them and gurgle.

She did this before getting knocked up with Suri—but what if she's trying to buy Suri's freedom? Tiger and Elin share a home, Jude Law meets his love child, Courtney Love terrifies again. Monday gossip has mixed feelings.

Tinsley Mortimer and Devorah Rose had a fake fight Monday night at a Guest of a Guest party in front of every New York social blogger and reporter and a camera crew. Welcome to the new process for feuding.

Ali Wise won't go down as the only member of the social set to spend time in handcuffs this month. Jules Kirby, the "champagne-swilling" party girl and perennial favorite on blogs like Park Avenue Peerage and Guest of a Guest—and ex-girlfriend of Nevan Donahue, Olivia Palermo's layabout cousin from The City—was arrested in Southampton over July 4th weekend. For attempting to steal an American flag. By the way, did we mention it was July 4th weekend?