Documents released last night show that not only did the CIA and Department of Defense offer extremely cozy access to filmmakers Mark Boal and Kathryn Bigelow for their forthcoming thriller about the operation to kill Osama bin Laden—they seemed to give up previously unreleased details about the raid's origins.
Oh tra la, fiddle dee dee, dance 'round all of the Maypoles, for Verlyn Klinkenborg hath taken pen in hand to scratch out yet another dispatch from the mild climes of rural America, which is mightily preferable to the indignities of the city, where all of Verlyn Klinkenborg's readers live. This week's fascinating topic: lawns. We got our hands on the rough draft, before the cityfied editors ruined Verlyn's vision.
Richard Cohen is (for some reason) employed as a professional opinion columnist by the Washington Post. He is paid to write columns—featuring his own opinions—about the issues of the day. This is the entirety of his job. Yet Richard Cohen has a wondrous talent possessed by few in his rarefied sphere: he can write an entire opinion column with zero actual opinion.
Hotel room doormat USA Today is the first source that Americans turn to to learn about angels. But what about devils? The devil on your shoulder—and by "shoulder," we mean "sexual organs." Will this Fifty Shades of Grey book your book club wants to read turn you into a dirty little sex fiend slut, that's right, because you know you like it? Or what?
Tomorrow evening, the cream of our nation’s mainstream media celebrities, political celebrities, and celebrity celebrities will put on tuxedos and evening gowns and gather in a ballroom in Washington, DC to mutually give one another handjobs, in a mostly metaphorical sense. This is because the most powerful elements of our nation’s DC press corps are all “on the same team” as the people they cover (politicians) and the people they idolize (celebrities). This is called the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner, and it is the single most revolting annual gathering of pseudojournalistic cocksuckery in all the land.
Despite very specific instructions by us to cease and desist with his nature-based musings, designated New York Times leaf-and-cow columnist Verlyn Klinkenborg continues to invade the Sunday op-ed section with some of the world's most artisanal writing. None of which has anything to do with anything.
Holman Jenkins, like any good upper class white male member of the Wall Street Journal editorial board, is absolutely perplexed by America's "Inequality Obsession." Look America, the whole "I am concerned about the alarming levels of income inequality in America" thing? Yeah. It's getting to be kind of... how can Holman Jenkins put this politely... an obsession. Not cute.
Last year, NBC News hired Chelsea Clinton to "report" on things for them, because here in America, major news networks are purely in the entertainment business and the privileges of dynastic nepotism will get you everywhere. That is why she was hired. Because of who her parents are. It has nothing to do with her abilities, or the concept of "journalism." I'm sure she's nice and smart and all. But that is not why she was hired by NBC News. Okay? Now. How is that going?
Dear Pulitzer Prize Committee: what is the point of you? Though we enjoyed this year's editorial-writing and fiction trolling — how very internet of you, Pulitzer Prize Committee — you are still, basically, worthless, and, worse, boring. You need some kind of makeover. You need Ryan Seacrest to host the awards. You need new categories, Pulitzer Prize Committee. We have some suggestions:
Katie Roiphe, a well-to-do white woman who will not shut up, has a case of mortal ennui which is relieved only by publishing cretinous trolling articles which draw sweeping pseudopsychological conclusions about womankind from a small handful of vacuous anecdotes mixed with pop culture strained through the special Katie Roiphe Psychic Sexxx Fantasyland Filter. The news today is, she is still doing that.
Khristopher J. Brooks is a young reporter who was excited to be hired by the Delaware News-Journal last week. In a playful little gesture, he wrote up a fake "press release" on his own personal Tumblr announcing, "On Wednesday April 4, 2012, the News Journal Media Group acquired veteran education reporter Khristopher J. Brooks." He included some quotes about his career and background on the paper itself. For this, he was immediately fired, because NEWSPAPER WORK MUST NEVER BE FUN.
A few weeks ago, New York Times science and health reporter Don McNeil sent out a scathing email to colleagues attacking Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. for piloting a "ghost ship" and running off to the Himalayas with a management guru while the paper founders.
A Brooklyn journalist is looking to crack open the biggest story since Watergate: Are there actually women who don't like Ryan Gosling? He posted this Craigslist ad in search of "women who DISLIKE Ryan Gosling for an article." A difficult quest, given that Ryan Gosling's approval ratings hit an all time high yesterday after warning British journalist Laurie Penny about an oncoming Taxi. (More on that later.)
Earlier this week, University of Texas student Stephanie Eisner managed to outrage just about everybody with her editorial cartoon about the Trayvon Martin case. I mean, it was "controversial," which is a euphemism for "it was racist." Unintentionally, perhaps, but still. Dayum. Yesterday, Stephanie Eisner apologized. Today, she's already been canned.
