We find it endlessly amusing that mild-mannered Jim Romenesko, who runs the most feared blog in journalism (except this one), puts an equal amount of passion into "Starbucks Gossip," his other blog that is, for some reason, the preeminent inside news site for the coffee chain. And he's not too happy about the company's corporatized attempt to move in on his territory with its new, half-bright "MyStarbucksIdea.com" site. Romenesko is throwing down in public!

"Americans tend to like lacquer more than they respect it." Well, it's no caulk. [NY Sun]

The New York Times has given over an unusually large end-to-end box on its home page above its news content to Apple, for an ad [click to enlarge]. It's not the first time this has happened. Not only does this type of thing provoke journalism purists to wonder whether the paper of record is losing its perspective on the editorial/ advertising divide; it also makes Gov. Bill Richardson look like he's going to be crushed by a giant apple.

A tipster tells us that the odd Josh Hartnett short film on the Times' website—which shows the actor stumbling through the snow and chatting with a hotel desk clerk, as the first installment of a series that will somehow promote the NYT's fashion magazine—is the twisted byproduct of one thing only: asshole friends! Hartnett is "an extremely nice guy" and a "very loyal friend," but he's surrounded by "asshole user" fake friends who try to use him to further their careers in the industry. Or so we hear. If true, that would definitely solve the mystery of why Hartnett would make time for an aimless project like that. After the jump, more detailed ranting from our tipster, and a bonus clip of the obscure Josh Hartnett-Scarlett Johansson short that is supposedly a precursor to the Times dreck.

Evil terrorist and fashion icon Osama Bin Laden is just like some slow, cranky old man: sitting around the cave, reading the newspaper, complaining about the funny pages. The world's most wanted criminal released another audio tape yesterday, specifically to condemn those stupid fucking Danish Muhammad cartoons, and threaten Europe with a "severe reckoning." The main cartoon (which is for sale, and pictured) was reprinted last month in a show of solidarity with the cartoonist, who lives in safe houses because his life is in danger [WP]. Still! For the stupid half-funny cartoon! Enough already, Muslim extremists! "I have always been an atheist, and I dare say these events have only intensified my atheism," the cartoonist tells the New York Times. Smooth move, extremists: you're making him like god even less. Nice spiritual persuasion there. Below, the full page of mediocre cartoons, once again. Gosh.

"Love And The Gov: The Other Woman...And she's an employee of the state's Office of Intergovernmental Affairs—you can say that again!" It's a cover headline that only would have been good if they said it in self-mockery. But they didn't. Except unwittingly.

GOP presidential nominee John McCain has a famously gross relationship with the press corps—they all fawn over him and he talks to them incessantly about everything and once he invited them to a barbecue at his house. The relationship is a bit of mixed bag for McCain of course, because it leads to situations like people reporting that he still, in his words, "hate[s] gooks." But the press generally doesn't spend weeks debating the meaning of McCain's friendship with nutcases like Rod Parsley. Maybe that'll change? NPR correspondent Scott Horsley is apparently sick of all this candidness: "They are an open book when it comes to their strategy, their tactics, their view of the race. It gets to the point where you just want them to shut up sometimes." [HuffPo]

This crosslinked and multiplatform new social interactive online media world is causing actual respected media outlets to fuck up. No question about it. Exhibit one: The national paper of record has allowed its core purpose of covering the news to evolve and extend to the point that this totally incomprehensible short video featuring Josh Hartnett staggering through the snow can fall under the Times' content umbrella. It's truly a long tail of crap, or something. The press release explains that the "T Community online" is all about "discovering what is new and hot in stylized online storytelling." Journalistic! Anyone who can intuit the meaning of this video, and logically connect it with the core purpose of the financially beleaguered newspaper industry in any number of rational steps, wins our undying gratitude. Couldn't the money spent here be used to give Sewell Chan a raise? Click to watch the star-studded clip.

From moral outrage to "here is a picture of a topless hooker" in three days. Kudos, New York Post. A grateful nation salutes you.

Sedate national readers are so curious about Eliot Spitzer's sexy sex affair of illegal sex that the Times had to post a whole list of FAQ's about the story. Complete with answers! One of the most asinine questions is, "Why did The Times track down and identify 'Kristen,' the prostitute in the case?" Our answer would be, "Seriously?" But the Times, being a respectable news outlet, tells its curious old readers that the real answer is: because she's in the news. Well, why did they have to print a picture of her sexy sexiness, then?

Stanley Fish, the author, law professor, columnist, and one of the Times' innumerable bloggers, thinks it would be helpful if readers know exactly what his motivation is with all this highbrow writing he does. "Given a choice between being trivial and being ethical in any direction whatsoever, I'll take trivial (although I might want to debate the judgment), because ethics is not something I'm doing in these columns," he explains in his latest entry. How about superfluous, then? Would you consider being pompous and superfluous, Mr. Fish? Sure you would!

A U.S. attorney announced the bust of The Emperors' Club last Thursday. We noted that the Duke of Westminster was allegedly linked, back in the day, but otherwise the story seemed mostly innocuous, as the only people named were in brothel management, not customers. Except to the Times reporters who realized that a government official was involved. They learned it was Spitzer by Friday, and they amazingly held on to that news until the following Monday, when they went live with it at 2 p.m. and immediately caused all sorts of media hell to break loose.

The 18-34 year old demographic is most frequently described as "coveted," so those of us lucky enough to be in it know that the things we do are important. Not just to ourselves, but to the media, advertisers, and the nation at large. We set the trends, not the olds! So it's a big deal when they discover that out of all the things our sweet demographic does—eat cereal, purchase pogo sticks ironically, have sexual relations in the new style—one thing we're definitely not doing is watching the evening news. In fact, the latest numbers show network news ratings among important people like me and you are falling straight off a cliff, into what may prove to be the final resting place of the 6:30 news broadcast.

Sheriff Santiago Barrera Jr. of Duval County, Texas would like you reporters to shut the fuck up, or else he will throw you in jail. It's really just that simple. After the Alice Echo-News Journal ("A Pulitzer-Prize winning newspaper serving Jim Wells County and the area for over 100 years") wrote a front page story about the sheriff's son getting arrested for public intoxication, Barrera told a reporter, "If you guys keep interfering with my business, I'm going to have you arrested." Old school! Unfortunately, what with all the electronic communications and so forth these days, word spread quickly around the nation, and now the sheriff just looks like a crooked old bastard, which he surely is. But it does make you pine for the days when the lawmen were dirty, the reporters were in cahoots, and small towns were dusty fiefdoms ruled by power-mad, ignorant scumbags. Not really. [AP]

The newest entrant in the New York Times' strangely pedestrian fitness beat is today's piece asking, "To Stretch or Not to Stretch?" Short answer: If you're a gymnast or swimmer, yes; if you're a distance runner, no; for other activities, it's still an open question. So if you eliminate backflips and butterfly strokes from your workout routine, you can probably get away with no stretching at all, until a scientist tells you better. We just saved you so much time. How about the Times doing us all a favor by dispensing with this nonsense and replacing its entire Fitness & Nutrition section with nothing but empty white space and one single Amazon link to THIS:

A brilliant way to get reporters' attention: Invite them to a strip club. On assignment, of course! Unlikely crunk crossover rap group Three Six Mafia is promoting its new single with a "Strip Club Tour," and the media is encouraged to attend. "Please reply to this email by 3PM today (3/12/08) if your site has correspondents in the following markets and you would like to cover them at the strip club," says the pitch. Reporters across the South and Midwest are stumbling over each other to find the relevant angle on this one. On a professional level. After the jump, a full tour schedule, and a video of 3-6-M's new single "I'd Rather" Set to a montage of Eliot Spitzer photos. This may prove to be the most successful music marketing strategy of all time.

Times headline update: from "weighing" a resignation this morning to "expecting" same this afternoon to "HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY TO FUCK AROUND WITH US FOR TWO DAYS, ELIOT?"

Richard Martin, the crazy old super in Bay Ridge who enjoys posting abusive signs about his tenants and filling his lobby with garbage to teach them all a lesson, is now aiming his strongly worded sign-based commentary at the free press. The newly minted media critic has taken aim at Daily News reporter Matthew Hysiak, whom Martin accuses of being "shit" for misquoting him in an article. Already, Martin has achieved a more insightful level of press criticism than Howard Kurtz. In further news, somebody has stolen Martin's umbrella! Did he post a sign about it? You bet! Photos of his news critique and his arch rejoinder to the umbrella thief [via BeehiveHairdresser], after the jump.

We would be remiss if we let this one get lost in the whoremongering hubbub: George Bush, President of the US and foe of Eliot Spitzer, sang a song at the annual Gridiron Dinner this past weekend [WP]. To the absolute delight of the assembled Washington press corps/ slavish DC whoremongers to power. Clips have surfaced on YouTube, and two videos are after the jump: the first records the actual, self-referential song that Bush croons; the second records the deafening positive reaction of the press corps to the spectacle. Fuckers.

We realize that former mag queen Tina Brown is still a "name" and Hillary Clinton's last week was a compelling story (resembling though it did so many of her previous weeks) but isn't there a wee bit of favoritism involved in a newsweekly running a front page story on a presidential candidate written by a woman who needs that candidate to become president in order for her forthcoming book to actually sell? [Newsweek]