Last month, Gawker Media’s editorial staff voted to unionize. Today, the editorial staff of Salon.com announced that they want to do the same thing.

Frank Bruni, a professional newspaper columnist who—unfortunately, given his chosen profession—has not had a single good idea in the past five years, continues that proud streak today. In spectacular fashion!

Today, PBS concluded its internal review of slave owner-omitting genealogy series Finding Your Roots, determining the show’s producers violated PBS standards by allowing Ben Affleck to influence editorial decisions. PBS has now postponed the series until “corrective measures” are implemented.

The New York Times jealously guards its status as America’s paper of record through an obsessive focus on decorum and propriety. So it’s interesting to see in two leaked photos that the paper’s brass has a sense of humor behind its respectable front—even if that humor veers into “making light of mass killings” territory.

Citing sources “with knowledge of the plan,” CNN’s Brian Stelter reports that NBC has finally reached an agreement with suspended Nightly News host and conflict zone Zelig Brian Williams.

David Brooks, the sad but harmless sweater-wearing divorced guy who likes to give your kids advice gleaned from inspirational office posters, is—astonishingly—still employed as a prestigious newspaper columnist.

“Although coifs and comestibles would not seem to have much in common, for a specific demographic, a cappuccino made with locally roasted, ethically grown beans is a natural accompaniment to high-caliber haircuts.”

The news broke in time for South Floridians to read it on their phones while stopped for a frigging accident on the frigging Golden Glades just a couple frigging blocks from work. Marco Rubio, their senator and beige Buick-steering soulmate, is as shitty a driver as them. His wife is even worse:

According to a new report from CNN’s Brian Stelter, NBC executives are currently exploring ways to retain skilled entertainer and questionable truth-teller Brian Williams, even if he steps down as anchor of NBC Nightly News.

Uh oh, summertime is here and you know what that means, ladies—time to obsess over your arms, for some reason! Wow! Arms! Appendages! What to do?

Recently, the readers of the esteemed Wall Street Journal were given an opportunity to share their opinion on “dunking,” the high-flying activity that has become all the rage of the basketball world.

Cutting edge newspaper columnist Peggy Noonan today warns college kids about the danger of “trigger warnings.” Huh. Have you heard of this?

“Prince Charles is to meet Sinn Féin president Gerry Adams today to promote ‘reconciliation and healing,’” according to an article published on the Washington Post website today. The article did its part to promote reconciliation and healing by noting that Charles “has always denied he’s a member of the IRA.” Come again?

The big controversy in the political pseudo-journalist world this week: the stunning revelations that ABC news anchor George Stephanopoulos made undisclosed contributions to the Clinton Foundation. Allow us to point out that George Stephanopoulos never should have been a news anchor YOU IDIOTS!!!!

Says here on the front page of today’s Florida Times-Union that Jacksonville residents are in shock after two young men fired into a school bus, shooting two girls in the head and OH HEY COUPONS FOR DISCOUNT ADMISSION TO THE GUN SHOW AT THE MOROCCO SHRINE CENTER.

Here is one of the most ill-conceived blog posts you will ever come across.

Knicks star Carmelo Anthony and a man who is not business magnate Russell Simmons marched in Baltimore today, Fox News’ Geraldo Rivera confirmed this evening in an awkward on-camera interview.

“Some heartless monster stole an iPad prototype from an Apple developer’s home in Cupertino,” begins nearly every article written about the incident. It’s still at large! They took drugs and money! Did we mention the iPad? Oh—and a man was also kidnapped. But please do let us know if you hear anything about that iPad.

It’s truly hard to tell who deserves more blame in this scenario: Nick Loeb, Sofia Vergara’s aspiring politician ex-boyfriend, for writing a baldly self-serving op-ed about their frozen embryos—or the New York Times, for publishing it.

Thank god someone was around tonight monitoring the politesse of the Baltimore protesters. That hero? Miss Manners herself, Fox News’ Megyn Kelly.