Miley Cyrus snaps at a paparazzo. Christina Aguilera returns to the scene of her public intoxication. Lindsay Lohan prepares for her big day in court. Brangelina's children "turn violent." Thursday gossip wonders what Lindsay Lohan will wear to court today.

Justin Bieber toys with the outward indicators of sexual maturity. Jermaine Jackson owes $100,000 in child support. Lady says she didn't boink Eva Longoria's husband. Aretha Franklin goes under the knife. TGIFriday gossip.

A zen koan: If Taylor Momsen bares her breasts to a crowd but tabloids can't publish the pictures because she's underage, is it really a celebrity scandal? Of course it is! Saturday Gossip Roundup will bring you peace and prosperity.

Another day of Lindsay Lohan reckoning is nigh. Kim Kardashian's birthday cake will be encrusted in diamonds. The Sister Wives polygamists are actually kinda incestuous. Like, more than we realized the first time around. TGIFriday gossip.

Taylor Swift writes an angry song about an older man named John. Anne Hathaway "cried everyday" filming sex scenes with Jake Gyllenhaal. Christina Aguilera's inevitable lesbian divorce rumors arrive. Tuesday gossip sings for its supper.

A surprisingly detailed (but possibly fake) story about Kate marrying her rockstar boyfriend. Snooki plans her Halloween costume: A pickle. Christina Aguilera files for divorce. Jesse James and Kat Von D are on the rocks. TGIFriday gossip.

The "coke" was coca-cola, the goal was a vending machine, and she failed. Christina Aguilera confirms splitting with her husband. Rachel Zoe is pregnant. Joan Collins ridicules ugly starlets. Wednesday gossip would sell its first child for a soda.

This week's plague of celebrity break-ups continues with an Us Weekly report that Christina Aguilera and husband Jordan Bratman "have been separated for a few months." (Was this photograph staged, then?) The couple met in 2002 and married in 2005.

[Christina Aguilera and husband Jordan Bratman go for a cruise in their Ferrari in Beverly Hills. Image via INF.]

Jessica Simpson heading out on the town after an event at Macy's ... Martin Scorsese outside the Waverly Inn ... Matthew Broderick walking in the Village with son James ... Keira Knightley and Guillaume Canet kissing on the set of their new movie in the Meatpacking District ... Katie Holmes holding an umbrella outside her East Village building ... Pink, Nick Carter, and A.J. McLean posing outside MTV ... America Ferrera and Becki Newton on the set of Ugly Betty ... Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman leaving their hotel ... Mandy Moore standing outside the Waverly Inn ... Marcia Cross posing for photos outside the Letterman show ... Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson arriving at JFK, then leaving Citrine after a night of partying.

Cameron Diaz and Paul Sculfor walking around the West Village ... Liv Tyler shopping in SoHo ... Christina Aguilera and husband Jordan Bratman leaving Buddakan last night and then turning up at Macy's this morning to promote her new perfume ... Agyness Deyn on the run from the paparazzi in SoHo ... Ivanka Trump leaving the Trump International Hotel ... Julianna Marguiles walking around downtown ... and members of the New Kids on the Block (remember them?) at a party at Marquee.

If you're putting on the pounds right now and ignoring your New Year's resolutions, sitting in front of a computer or television constantly and never going to the gym, don't sweat it, even Russell Crowe is getting fat. Also, Christina Aguilera's husband Jordan Bratman, and of course, Kirstie Alley, who got so fat diet plan Jenny Craig fired her. Hell, at this point even the Huffington Post is running diet tips, but why bother when you can look at Russell (and Jordan and Kirstie) and feel skinny again: