While Serena "Not the One" Williams searches Flushing Meadows for the umpire she went ballistic on yesterday, Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal are currently squaring off in the US Open's men's final. But no matter the match's outcome, nothing will top the unintentionally nasty commentary by Mary Carillo, Dick Enberg and John McEnroe. Here's a minute-long highlight reel of the dirty talk, with a quick cut to sexy parents-to-be Jay-Z and Beyoncé built in for good measure.

Paula Abdul's personal mantra is also her staff's. Adam Sandler is accused of dining and dashing. The cast of The Help likes to skinny dip. Angelina Jolie is "as kinky and insatiable as ever." TGIFriday gossip is titillating.

John McEnroe jogging on Central Park West ... Peter Dinklage walking his dog in the West Village ... Madonna arriving at JFK ... Keri Russell carrying son River downtown ... John Lithgow leaving his apartment ... Jessica Szohr on the set of Gossip Girl in Brooklyn ... Ashlee Simpson arriving at the Ambassador Theater for a performance of Chicago ... and Jersey Shore's J-Woww posing for photos inside GLO nightclub on Long Island.

Madonna leaving the Kabbalah Center in Midtown ... John McEnroe sitting in the stands at a Knicks game with daughter Ava ... Ex-Gov. Eliot Spitzer walking home from a jog on Saturday afternoon, accompanied by one of his daughters ... Ethan Hawke driving a car with his wife and kids on the UES ... model Coco Rocha walking with boyfriend James Conran ... Renee Zellweger heading to the airport en route to Sundance ... Tina Fey filming scenes for 30 Rock ... Sarah Jessica Parker getting out of a car in front of son James' school ... and Lady Gaga signing autographs for fans outside Rockefeller Center.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt stopping off for a bite to eat at a branch of Cafe Metro in Midtown on Sunday ... Reese Witherspoon arriving at JFK on Monday night and crossing the street yesterday ... Hugh Jackman, Dustin Hoffman, John McEnroe, and Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist attending a Knicks game ... Ashlee Simpson shopping at FAO Schwarz and Barneys with her sister, husband and baby ... Dancing with the Stars' Derek Hough getting out of a cab in Midtown ... Naomi Watts checking her phone while walking downtown ... and Mary-Kate Olsen leaving her apartment clearly unprepared for the cold weather.

Free Arts NYC hosted its 10th annual art and photography auction last night. Attendees at the Calvin Klein Collection-sponsored event, which was hosted by Kevin Bacon and Michelle Monaghan, included Calvin Klein's Francisco Costa and Italo Zucchelli, Amy Sacco, Glenda Bailey, Julia Restoin Roitfeld, Hilary Rhoda, Ed Westwick, Lindsay Price, Karolina Kurkova, Yvonne Force Villareal, Zani Gugelmann, Kimberly Guilfoyle and Eric Villency, Thom Browne, Molly Sims, Andrew Saffir, Beth Ostrosky, Erin Fetherston, Mary Alice Stephenson, David Granger, Helen Lee Schifter, Glenn O'Brien, Kate Schelter, Richard Chai, Jeremy Kost, Mickey Boardman, Kathryn Neale, Ross Bleckner, Simon de Pury, and Andrew Fry. [PMc, Wireimage, FWD, SF]

Filmmaker and Transcendental Meditation enthusiast David Lynch brought Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr together for the first time in years as part of the Change Begins Within benefit at Radio City Music Hall on Saturday night. A slew of celebrity performers and guests were on hand for the occasion, including Sheryl Crow, Laura Dern, and Ben Harper (with Ringo, left), as well as Jerry Seinfeld, Yoko Ono, John McEnroe, Martin Scorsese, Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky, Matthew Broderick, Moby, Jennifer Aniston, Desiree Gruber and Kyle MacLachlan, Isabella Rossellini, David Arquette, Michael J. Fox, Robin Quivers, Eddie Vedder, Jason Bateman, Barbara Bach, Bettye LaVette, and Mike Love. [Wireimage, Getty, VF, NYO]

Lawrence Salander apparently had a nice little painting ponzi scheme going for a while there. Then he tried conning a certain temperamental tennis star named John McEnroe. This, of course, ENDED him.

Lawrence Salander, the former operator of a prominent Manhattan art gallery, was arrested todayon charges of stealing $88 million from clients like Robert DeNiro and John McEnroe. Is he the art world's Bernie Madoff?

So everyone knows that the art world's in the doldrums, that even deep-pocketed collectors are holding off buying, and that the only reason people even show up to art openings anymore is to quaff the free champagne. But you'd think that a seven foot-wide portrait of a smirking Bernie Madoff, priced at a mere $100,000, would have some takers, right? Strangely not: Disappointingly for the artist Yan Pei-Ming, his masterpiece, on sale at the Armory Show which kicked off yesterday at the West Side Piers, has so far attracted no interest.

News that won't be surprising to anyone: The art world is still steeped in gloom, as evidenced by the scene at last night's opening gala for the Art Show at the Park Avenue Armory. The benefit, which used to be sponsored by Lehman Brothers and be a riot of hedge funders dropping millions on pieces to add to their collections, was attended by the likes of Donald Marron, Steve Schwarzman, John McEnroe, Glenn Lowry, Agnes Gund, and Michael Ovitz, but still saw "meager" sales.

Feel free to wish Agyness Deyn a happy birthday if you see her at Fashion Week: The model is turning 26. Carl Icahn turns 73 today. Ice-T is 51. Tennis legend John McEnroe is 50. Sean McManus, the president of CBC News and CBS Sports, is 54. Times science reporter Natalie Angier is 51. TV host Steve Kmetko is turning 56. And photographer Timothy Greenfield-Sanders is turning 57.

♦ A long list of celebs have been involved in a last-minute effort to get out the vote for Obama, including Oprah, Diddy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, Edie Falco, John McEnroe, Mary J. Blige, Russell Simmons, Beyonce, and Jay-Z. In the elderly celebrity writer department, Vanity Fair's Dominick Dunne says he postponed surgery so he could vote today. [R&M, Politico]
♦ Ivana Trump has been calling Marius Rusovici, the 23-year-old Belgian she's been hanging out with, "her boyfriend," although it may just be a plot to make Rossano Rubicondi jealous. Or stir up some press. Or both. [NYDN]
♦ David Duchovny and Tea Leoni were spotted holding hands while their kids went trick-or-treating on the Upper East Side last Friday, which may or may not mean they're getting back together. [P6]
♦ Sumner Redstone's ex-wife, Paula Fortunato, is still living in his Beverly Hills mansion. But he may have already reunited with his ex-girlfriend, Manuela Herzer. [P6]

♦ Present at Bette Midler's Hulaween benefit gala for the New York Restoration project: Suze Orman (dressed as big pile of money, left), André Leon Talley, Gloria Estefan, Gloria Gaynor, Donna Karan, Kathy Griffin, Michael Kors, Pink, Jimmy Buffett, John McEnroe and Patty Smyth, Ray Kelly, and Cindy Adams. [PMc, Wireimage, NYO]

Poor Tatum O'Neal: Just a couple of weeks after she was busted for trying to buy crack, her ex-husband John McEnroe is so eager to rid himself of all reminders of their marriage that he's selling a 20-year-old Warhol portrait of the two of them. The former "superbrat" of tennis hopes to get $790,000 for the painting when it goes under the hammer at Sotheby's in London on July 1st. He says he plans to give the money to Habitat for Humanity. Which we're sure is a pure and noble gesture and not at all a PR tactic to cast him in as different a light as possible to the recovering addict mother of his kids.

Back in October 2004, Tatum O’Neal was a sobriety success story, having written a successful memoir after apparently conquering a drug addiction so intense that it made Stevie Nicks's habit look pithy. But as the NY Post reports, O’Neal was arrested by the NYPD last night while allegedly buying crack and cocaine just blocks away from her luxury apartment in Manhattan's Lower East Side. When she was busted, the actress supposedly claimed she was pulling a Mendes and researching a bit for an upcoming junkie role. Apparently, her research was tres Method — she was even carrying a crack pipe on her (but it was “clean!”, she said). Even more embarrassing? She reached for the age-old and very dusty “Don’t you know who I am?” in an attempt to get the cops to look the other way. But the cops didn’t bite, and O’Neal, along with her dealer, were taken to the clink. After the jump, we scoured her memoir of recovery to figure out why she may have gone back to the "glamorous" world of drugs.

One of the greatest tennis players of all time, John McEnroe is as famous for his on-court disputes with officials as for his dozens of tournament titles. He's now a tennis commentator on NBC and with the BBC.

Today's Page Six announced cheerily that uptown art dealer Larry Salander has put a $100-million price tag on a Caravaggio. But they don't mention that the old uptown dealership is in full-on crisis: At least 15 lawsuits have been filed against Salander O'Reilly in the last year. Even for a neighborhood filled with galleries that are accustomed to regular legal wranglings and late payments (and rents that run to $200K a month), this is nuts. How bad are things? Larry Salander got sued by John McEnroe, the godfather to one of his children. Youch!