Selena Gomez is in the hospital with "nausea and a severe headache." Tina Fey is in damage control over Tracy Morgan's homophobic rant. And Russell Crowe has some opinions about penises. Saturday gossip won't be marching in the Puerto Rican Day parade.

John Leguizamo stopped by Good Morning America to talk about how his family feels about being the subject of his new Broadway show, and also how Steven Seagal "runs like a woman but hits like a dude."

Designer Oscar de la Renta turns 77 today. Rufus Wainwright is 36. Actor Willem Dafoe is turning 54. John Leguizamo and David Spade are both turning 45. Publishing industry heavyweight Ann Godoff is 60. Actor Danny Glover is turning 63. John Wren, the president and CEO of the ad agency Omnicom, is turning 57. Former senator and presidential candidate Bob Dole is turning 86. George Clinton is 68. The Eagles' Don Henley is 62. Film director Paul Schrader is 63. Former football player (and now ESPN personality) Keyshawn Johnson is 37. And Disney star Selena Gomez celebrates her 17th birthday today.

David Letterman attending a Rangers game at Madison Square Garden and seated not far from where Jimmy Fallon was cheering on the team with his wife, Nancy Juvonen ... John Leguizamo and wife Justine walking their poodle ... Hilary Duff running errands near Union Square ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts carrying coffee downtown ... Brad Pitt visiting Angelina Jolie on the set of Salt ... Rachel McAdams walking in the West Village ... America Ferrera, Michael Urie, and Becki Newton on the set of Ugly Betty ... John Goodman wandering around by himself ... and Arpad Busson leaving Uma Thurman's townhouse in the Village with her son Levon.

amfAR kicked off Fashion Week with a gala at Cipriani last night, where the long list of attendees included Donna Karan, Mary J. Blige (left), Anna Wintour, Calvin Klein, Rachel Zoe, Julia Restoin Roitfeld, Liza Minnelli, Candy Pratts Price, Robbie Myers, Jessica Stam, Lily Donaldson, Kenneth Cole, Stefano Tonchi, John Demsey, Stacy Bendet, Andrew Saffir and Daniel Benedict, Lisa Dennison, Terence Koh, Vito Schnabel, Noemi Lenoire, Harry Belafonte, Mary Alice Stephenson, Jennifer Creel, Natasha Richardson, Stanley Tucci, Taylor Momsen, Maggie Rizer, Doutzen Kroes, Robert Verdi, Mario Cantone, Eliza Dushku, Kipton Cronkite, Derek Blasberg, and Howard and Cindy Rachofsky. [PMc, Wireimage, WWD, NYO]

It looks like Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter won't be available to educate your children after all. Although Greenwich Village High School was due to make its debut this fall, Andrea Peyser reports today that the school—backed by Carter, VF deputy editor Aimee Bell and actor John Leguizamo, among others—may never open at all, and the building was shuttered recently. Guess you'll have to be like everyone else and compete with 12,427 other parents for a precious spot at Dalton and Fieldston. Our condolences. [NYP]

Richard Johnson and Jason Binn celebrated their birthdays with a joint bash at Da Silvano on Monday night, where they were joined by their wives, Sessa von Richthofen and Haley Binn, along with guests like Donny Deutsch, Jared Kushner, Brooke Shields and Chris Henchy, Silvano and Marisa Marchetto, Ann Dexter-Jones, Lauren and Charlie Walk, Daniel Benedict, Jane and Richie Notar, Jerry Della Femina and Judy Licht, Beth Ostrosky, Amy Nederlander, Alina Cho, jewelry exec Benny Shabtai, Sharon Dorram, film producer Meryl Poster, and Gigi Stone of ABC News. [PMc, GoaG]

It took close to a year, but John Leguizamo and his wife Justine have finally unloaded their four-bedroom apartment at 45 Gramercy Park North. The 11th-floor spread, which the couple purchased in 2004 and first listed in January 2008 for $5.85 million, was sold for $3.65 million to Samuel and Elizabeth White. Photos of the apartment and a floorplan after the jump!

The Post's Andrea Peyser stopped by the Greenwich Village High School this weekend, the new private school backed by Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter, the mag's deputy editor, Aimee Bell, and actor John Leguizamo. Peyser is predictably outraged by the "selective, pretentious and pricey high school" and its proposed curriculum: "The plan is for kids to rub elbow pads with Carter-friendly Pulitzer Prize-winners. Students will learn about artifacts from a Museum of the City of New York curator, and Mandarin from random residents of Chinatown, all for an eye-popping $34,729 a year." Hold on for a moment. Random residents of Chinatown? That sounds awfully populist! Were Wendi Deng or Vera Wang unavailable? Next we'll hear that they're planning to hire regular gym teachers to teach PE classes instead of having Marc Jacobs lead students in daily workout sessions. A few months ago, The Daily put together a possible curriculum for the school and list of potential faculty members. Click here to see the larger version and consider the glam school that could have been.

Just in time to solve America's education crisis, the exclusive private Greenwich Village High School backed by Graydon Carter and John Leguizamo is preparing to open its doors. It's worse than you think.

If your child is in eighth grade, you have lots of money, and you've been having trouble snagging a reservation at the Waverly Inn, you now have another potential path to those $55 bowls of truffled macaroni and cheese. Greenwich Village High School—the private school backed by Vanity Fair editor (and Waverly co-owner) Graydon Carter, actor John Leguizamo, and New School president Bob Kerrey, among others—is taking applications for its first freshman class through January 15. [NYO]

Amy Poehler pushing her new baby boy, Archie, in a stroller ... John Leguizamo riding his bike down the street ... Kirsten Johnston talking on her cell phone ... Nicole Kidman outside the premiere of Australia, just after Hugh Jackman made his arrival ... Kelly Ripa and husband Mark Consuelos unveiling Cartier's holiday windows ... James Taylor arriving at his hotel, followed by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw ... and Katie Holmes walking down the street with Suri.

What's more important than anything in these uncertain times? Making sure that your kids are given the ruling class advantages of a private school education, even if it means starting up a school yourself! Aimee Bell, who works at Vanity Fair, and Sara Goodman, the great-granddaughter of Bergdorf, are West Village neighbors who, unsatisfied with the choice of high schools available to their daughters, decided—why not?—to start their own with a little help from their friends.

1) Of the many fashion parties over the weekend, none was bigger than Calvin Klein's 40th anniversary bash on the High Line last night. Among the fresh-from-Bryant Park faces present: Francisco Costa, Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou, Brooke Shields, Lindsay Price, Kim Raver, Eva Mendes, Halle Berry, Naomi Watts, Ellen Pompeo, Molly Sims, Alan Cumming, Aerin Lauder Zinterhofer, Anna Wintour, Bee Shaffer, Bryan Adams, Bijou Phillips, Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy, Fabien Baron, Ashley Olsen, Cynthia Nixon, Carlos Souza, Linda Fargo, Casey Spooner, Erin Fetherston, Ellen von Unwerth, Estelle, Rachel Zoe, Fern Mallis, Glenda Bailey, Jared Leto, Coco Rocha, Esther Canadas, Joy Bryant, John Leguizamo, Jay Manuel, Julia Restoin Roitfeld, Jessica Szohr, Kevin Bacon, Kelly Killoren Bensimon, Leighton Meester, Lydia Hearst, Martha Stewart, Ethan Hawke, Olivia Chantecaille, Padma Lakshmi, Rosario Dawson and Stephanie Seymour. [NYDN, NYO, PMc, GoaG]

The A-list movie-star incursion on Broadway this fall just got a little B-listier with the addition of Haley Joel Osment to the cast of American Buffalo, David Mamet's 1976 play set for revival in November. And we can't wait: For sheer envelope-pushing, neither Daniel Radcliffe's full-frontal horseplay nor Katie Holmes's Dawson-ization of Arthur Miller is likely to compare to their fellow ex-child star's profane verbal tussles with castmates Cedric the Entertainer and John Leguizamo — a duo whose characters entangle Osment's young, broke schemer Bob in a bluer-than-blue cascade of "cunts," "fucks" and other Sixth Sense-era unutterables. And all it'll cost Osment, 20, is the low, low price of a semester behind at NYU:

In honor of his birthday today, the voicemail recording on John Leguizamo's cell phone.

You can bet the always-elegant Oscar de la Renta will be especially well-dressed today: He turns 76. Other people celebrating: Actor Willem Dafoe is 53. Comedian John Leguizamo is turning 44, as is David Spade. Crooner Rufus Wainwright is 35. Literary queen Ann Godoff is 59. So is union leader Mike Fishman. Advertising honcho John Wren turns 56. And Danny Glover is 62.

This upcoming film called "The Babysitters" is about babysitters, alright—hooker babysitters. One high school girl starts off as a mere child supervisor, but quickly comes to find that she can build more wealth selling her own body. Then all her high school friends are like "Hey, us too!" This movie may have been made before, but probably never outside the pornography industry. It stars Cynthia Nixon, and John Leguizamo as the lecherous husband, which is the role that John Leguizamo was born to play. The trailer [via Videogum], after the jump.

The frenetic Leguizamo is a foul-mouthed comedian, character actor, and the guy your kids know as the voice of Sid the sloth in Ice Age.