WEB 2.0 SUMMIT — Kleiner Perkins venture capitalist John Doerr is the last scheduled speaker of the Web 2.0 Summit. He starts in 45 minutes. 5:05 on a Friday? Who stuck him with that slot? Anyway, it's just in time for happy hour, we say. Make his lecture fun by printing out this page and playing along with our John Doerr drinking game. Before you head into the hall and take your seat, fill your flask and bring a box of Kleenex. That and our cheat sheet will help you power through the end of the conference.

VC blogger Paul Kedrosky points out that famed venture-capital firm Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers has revamped its website to highlight a search box squarely on its front page. This, of course, a mere eight years after it invested in Google. Kedrosky notes that there are no results returned for "business plan" — good luck searching your way into Kleiner's portfolio — but we noticed something else that struck us as amusing. While searching for mentions of Kleiner partner John Doerr's infamous, tear-drenched appearance at this year's TED conference, the result was topped off with a sponsored ad for Ted, United Airlines' low-cost carrier. Well, that's one way to boost the value of Kleiner's Google holdings.

Bay Partners, a Silicon Valley venture capital firm, is cutting small checks to startups developing apps on Facebook's F8 platform, VentureBeat reports. Sure, Bay is opportunistically trying to ride on top of the frenzy for apps written specifically for Facebook's user base of 29 million. But Bay's initiative, called AppFactory, is small potatoes compared to what we think Facebook backer Jim Breyer, managing partner at venture capital firm Accel Partners, might be up to.

"(I) resigned for more time with family," board member John Doerr said when he announced he's leaving the board of Sun Microsystems. (Translation: "I've made all the money I can.") The prominent venture capitalist pumped up the insolvent company, saying it's in "great shape."

What happens when you stick a handful of VCs into a room and ask them to pontificate? Apparently not much. By the time that notables like John Doerr and Steve Jurvetson got to this late excerpted part of their panel at the Churchill club, they were playing the Valley version of those late-night college bull sessions — "Dude! Dude! The girls on The O.C. are all hot but if you HAD TO PICK JUST ONE..." — with the usual "Who's the next ___" talk.

Larry Ellison isn't the only one with multi-million-dollar real estate and a pleasure-dome on the sea. The billionaires of the tech industry have a proud tradition of ringing up ridiculous bills.