State Senator Hiram Monserrate, who allegedly slashed his girlfriend with a glass when he found either drugs or another man's business card in her purse (then he tried to take her to a hospital outside city limits), would like his charges dismissed, please.

Kenneth Breen—the lawyer for corrupt former police commish Bernie Kerik who isn't accused of passing false information to federal prosecutors—is losing his bid to get access to prosecutor's evidence. He'll probably be forced to take the stand himself and he may be forced off the case. Breen argues that Kerik's chance at a fair trial have been ruined by all that reporting about his criminal behavior. The lawyer who passed on untrue information to the feds was nutty, Page Six-beloved Joe Tacopina, who used to represent falsely accused national heroes Jared Paul Stern and Foxy Brown. [NYP]

Gravel-voiced bulldog Joe Tacopina was a lawyer for corrupt former police commissioner Bernard Kerik—one that Kerik actually paid for services rendered. Because while the other guys were defending Kerik from pending indictments the old-fashioned "legal" way, Tacopina was, according to the U.S. Attorneys, passing on false information and obstructing justice—and that's the way you defend Bernie Kerik, dammit. (Back in April, Tacopina was praised to the heavens Page Six—and also used to represent former Page Sixer Jared Paul Stern and Foxy Brown.) Now Kerik's other lawyer may be tossed off the case for possessing non-privileged information about Tacopina's actions—and Tacopina will testify about Kerik's misdeeds. America is so cruel to its heroes.