Mayor Bloomberg's having a bad week, between the virulently anti-Muslim video starring his police commissioner and the rape charges against his police commissioner's son. So look, Mayor Mike: if you want to quit, you can come work for us writing Gossip Girl recaps.

Tonight marks Katie Couric's final broadcast as the anchor of CBS Evening News. It's the end of a well-intentioned but fruitless experiment. Sad. Sadder still, Katie still doesn't officially have a new job lined up. That's what friends are for!

The producers of Puppetry of the Penis, the Australian show that re-opened off-Broadway last night, want a new bartender: Andrew Lawrance, the Aussie cop who might get fired after opening a beer bottle with his penis piercing.

On Friday evening, John Mayer publicly apologized to a gathered "at capacity" audience for the recent kerfuffle over his Playboy interview. We would like to now take this time to finally extend a formal employment offer for Mr. Mayer.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told George Stephanopoulos this morning that she initially refused Obama's offer before being wooed: "I gave him a bunch of other names...But he was quite persistent and very persuasive." [This Week/ABC]