During a power outage at the Aruba Surf Club, a quick-thinking Jill Zarin lit her Hanukkah menorah, saving her kin from darkness with the light of nine small candles that lasted three long hours. Just like the Maccabees, running out of oil and threatened by darkness at a five-star Caribbean resort.

We've been hearing whispers for the better part of a week that Kelly Bensimon, Alex McCord, and former Gawker intern Jill Zarin have been fired from the Real Housewives of New York and now it seems like it is official. Goodbye, sweet, sweet ladies.

When Real Housewives of New York star Jill Zarin isn't dancing awkwardly in Countess LuAnn's terrible new music video, she's leaving positive comments about herself on the Internet. But when she's not doing that, she's acting! Or trying to, at least, as Zarin proved with an underwhelming cameo as a speed dater on tonight's episode of White Collar. Video of her appearance is above.

Not happy with all the eardrum damage caused by her first aural abomination, Countess LuAnn de Lesseps is back with a new song and a new video, this time co-starring some other Real Housewives of New York. Know what? It's not completely horrible!

If we've learned anything from the cautionary tale of Dilbert creator Scott Adams, it's that masquerading as your own biggest fan on the internet can come back to bite you in the ass. You'd think that lesson might have sunk in by now for Real Housewives of New York City star Jill Zarin, who we've already caught once writing glowing Amazon user reviews for her own advice book (while accusing its critics of being antisemites). But someone — not saying it's Jill! Could be anyone really! Innocent until proven Zarin!— has been bombarding the Vulture comments section with suspiciously pro-Jill propaganda.

Oh, the various assaults, crimes, and misdemeanors perpetrated by this cast of jokers running roughshod over Gotham City. The Real Housewives of New York were more worked up more than a bunch of whores during a penicillin shortage, and it was all in the name of matrimony.

Though he once said he'd "quit acting," that was all a hoax, and Joaquin Phoenix really hasn't quit acting at all. Also today: the return of the return of musicals, Jessica Lange makes a TV project even more exciting, and Bradley Cooper is seriously miscast.

To celebrate 100 episodes of Watch What Happens Live and the premiere of RHONY, Andy Cohen invited Jill Zarin and Ramona Singer onto his Little Talk Show That Could. While Andy pulled out all the stops for the occasion, the biggest surprise of them all was what Jill was wearing.

When the five horsewomen of the apocalypse finally bring about their Armageddon on the seven million families that live in gated communities, there will only be one thing left for us to remember them by: their stuff. Let's sift through the Real Housewives rubble.

Jim Carrey gets a new, model sweetheart. Bill Clinton hangs with Cameron Diaz. What's Oprah's big secret? Justin Bieber's hair costs slightly less than rumored. Saturday Gossip Roundup is hanging out with a big bowl of waffles.

Paris Hilton's mug shot looks better than most people's regular photos. Will Spencer Pratt cough up his sex tape? All of Jersey Shore sued for assault. Leonardo DiCaprio gets a restraining order. That is not Sunday Gossip Roundup's purse.

After strip and cavity searches, LiLo is in jail—and all the inmates love her! Snooki contemplates her co-stars' jealousies. Jill Zarin dips a toe into politics. Wednesday gossip is cold at first, but it warms up fast.

The final installment of the epic three part Real Housewives of NYC reunion got more than ridiculous when the ladies started screaming about the ill-fated St. John getaway incident. Classic Ramona Singer crazy eyes (and arms!) inside.

Hear ye, hear ye. This session of Real Housewives of New York Court of the State of Bravo is about to begin. We will hear testimony and sentence the guilty accordingly. The Honorable Andrew M. "Andy" Cohen is presiding.

Once again Brian Moylan has provided me with some questions about last night's Housewives, the big old grand finale for the season. (Until the reunion.) Come remember with us, won't you?

Hello, friends. Your Gawker Housewives recapper is feeling a little burnt-out by this unending, shriek-filled season. So he enlisted the help of another Gawker staffer to pose some questions that might make it a little easier to tackle today's tale.

She will throw in a make-up consultation for free. Lance Bass is dating one of the Queer Eye guys. Kendra Wilkinson's sex tape has "multiple partners." Jill Zarin (accidentally?) teases Bethenny's baby. Monday's gossip is surprising at first, then obvious.

Last night's episode was all about partying and fighting, fighting and partying. It was the most violent episode yet and, sadly, had an actual death toll. Let's remember what happened together, shall we?

Kate Hudson was spotted at Coachella with weirdo British rocker Thom Yorke. Bret Michaels lives. Eating a burger is physically impossible for Heidi Montag. Kate's babies get cleared by the Department of Labor. Sunday's gossip roundup is a creep.

For a couple hundred thousand dollars, you can live the life of Real Housewives Ramona Singer, Kelly Bensimon, or Jill Zarin in the Hamptons this summer. Just what you've been dreaming about, no doubt!