Jay-Z Problem Number 76/99: A Christian rapper trying to 'beef' with him, as he accuses Mr. Beyonce of Satanism, Freemasonry, and membership in the Illuminati. Come to think of it, there is something decidedly evil about "Change Clothes." [ANIMAL NY]

• Those rumors about Tiger Woods in rehab have returned. According to People, Woods checked into a sex rehab clinic around New Year's and will be there until "Valentine's Day or thereabouts." (Perfect timing!) As for his estranged wife, Elin Nordegren, she's moved into a new home that's just a couple of miles from the gated community where she used to live with Woods. [People, TMZ, NYDN]
• Have Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel split up? That's what some people are saying, since she spent the last week climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro while he was in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. And couples that are really in love would never spend a moment apart, would they? Didn't think so. [Radar]
• The Post reported a few days ago that Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly have made plans to get married in November. Naturally, this had led the Daily News to report today that the story is totally untrue and the couple hasn't even discussed getting engaged, at least according to one of Minka's friends. [NYDN]
• Forbes released its list of Hollywood's "top-earning couples" yesterday. The winner? That would be Beyoncé and Jay-Z, who reeled in $122 million last year, or more than double what Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt collected. Possibly related: Beyoncé said yesterday that she plans to take a "hiatus" from singing so she can "live life." Which is what you'd do, too, if you made nine figures over the last 12 months. [Forbes, NYDN]
• The Conan-Leno mess is bad news for NBC. But it's also made late-night TV sorta watchable again, which is nice. [Gawker]

"Eat my panties off me," Mrs. Pratt rhythmically coos. Vogue threatens Anna Wintour's town car, Elin Nordegren invests in another house, Ryan Seacrest cries over Simon. Come, plumb the depths of Wednesday's gossip.

What a wild few months for Office of Management and Budget stud-cum-nerd Peter Orszag! His lovechild is born! He's engaged to not-the-mama! And he's got the New York Times asking what he's going to do with his life!

Madonna and Sean Penn having laff riots, reminding us of Gossip's Glory Days. Jay-Z and Jonathan Safran Foer meat in the middle. Snooki's Fist Pump fees. Kate Gosselin's new 'do/Jon Gosselin's new "do." Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Is Tiger Woods in New York right now? Did he settle with his estranged wife by handing her a check for $300 million? In two pretty dubious stories now making the rounds, a friend of Elin Nordegren says Woods' scorned wife—who spent the holiday weekend at a French ski resort—has been telling pals she got a $300 million gift for Christmas from her estranged husband. Meanwhile, rumors also surfaced that Woods was spending the weekend holed up at New York's Trump International Hotel, where he ordered huge amounts of Red Bull and vodka and was accompanied by a "leggy blond." Alas, the paparazzi camped out outside the hotel never caught a glimpse of him and the hotel staff denied Woods was ever there. [NYDN, NYP]
• Down in St. Barts, Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich made it rain by hosting a $5 million New Year's Eve party at his $90 million estate. Beyoncé, Gwen Stefani and Prince all performed at the shindig, and the Russian mogul's party—along with fetes hosted by Larry Gagosian and Paul Allen—attracted a long list of boldface names to the island, including Jay-Z, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr, Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone, Rachel Zoe, Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman, and Russell Simmons. For her part, Lindsay Lohan spent much of the weekend aboard Abramovich's boat, where she was seen jet-skiing and shopping in a teeny bikini and ginormous wedge heels. She also sent out a rather ominous tweet on New Year's Eve: "Everyone get ready for more (but positive—LOHAN MAYHEM!!!" Sigh. [NYP, People, DM]
• According to Peter Biskind's new biography of Warren Beatty—and some "simple arithmetic" on the part of Biskind—the actor has bedded 12,775 women during his lifetime. Annette Bening must be so proud. [NYP]

• Remember last week when Lindsay Lohan announced that she'd "saved" a bunch of kids in India from becoming victims of child trafficking? Yea, well, it seems she wasn't even in the country yet when that happened, at least according to according to a leading social activist in New Delhi, who has since filed a complaint with the BBC, which was filming Lohan's efforts for a documentary. In any event, LiLo must be totally, like, spent from saving the world: She returned to the U.S over the weekend after spending less than a week there. [Telegraph, People]
• In other LiLo news, the Lohan family website is now selling some of her secondhand clothes. If you'd like to buy Lindsay's hideous wardrobe from back in her Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen days, you're in luck. [P6]
• The New York Post has added an esteemed new columnist to its roster! Ashley Dupre is the paper's new love, sex, and relationship columnist. In her first column, Dupre answers questions about a rebellious teen, how to tell if one's husband is unhappy, whether or not to share your "number," and also offers up some Christmas gift ideas. There's even a video to go with it in which Dupre is dressed up like a naughty schoolgirl. [NYP]

• There's both good and bad news for Mischa Barton. The bad: She's reportedly drinking again and was seen "knocking back shots and drinking margaritas" earlier this week. (As you may remember, that sort of behavior led Mischa to spend some time in the hospital this past summer.) The good news: She supposedly looked "healthy" and "in control" while doing it, so it should be a few months before she hits bottom again and is forced to make a return trip. [P6]
• Think a good thought for Madonna. Louis Vuitton has decided to drop Madge as the face of the brand and replace her with 25-year-old supermodel Lara Stone. [Sun]
• The last 24 hours of Tiger: Holly Sampson, the porn star who had been suspected of having a tryst with Tiger, confirmed the rumor yesterday; meanwhile, Hollywood madam Michelle Braun says Woods spent $60,000 on hookers between 2006 and 2007, was into the "college cutie, girls-next-door look," and was a fan of three-ways, too. Luckily for Tiger, the reports about his dozen or so mistresses (and all the kinky specifics) may not spell disaster for his marriage to Elin Nordegren. Several tabloids report that Woods has come clean to Elin about "all" of his misbehavior in recent days and she's planning to stay with him.

• It looks like Tiger Woods' wife has had enough. Elin Nordegren moved out of the couple's Florida home yesterday and is staying at another home nearby. It doesn't look like she's planning to come back. Swedish news outlets are reporting that she paid $2.3 million to buy a house in in Sweden last week. [Radar, NYDN, NYP]
• Another 911 call was received from Tiger Woods' house last night. It's still unclear what happened, but an ambulance transported a middle-aged woman to the hospital and a "blonde woman" reportedly followed behind in an Escalade. One possibility is that it was Elin Nordegren's mom, who flew to the U.S. last week to be with her daughter. [TMZ, Radar]
• Yet another Woods mistress may be getting ready to come forward. And this one's claiming she has cell phone photos of Tiger's nether regions. Playgirl says it's is in the process of "authenticating" the pics to make sure it's him. How it plans to do that is unclear, although there are nine women (and counting) who should be able to help, presumably. [Us]
• Uma Thurman and fiancé Arki Busson have called it quits. And Bernie Madoff may be partly to blame. The Swiss financier reportedly lost a bundle investing with Madoff, and that may have put a strain on the relationship. [NYP]

Angelina's secret second family: seven Muslim children, and a wife. Lady Gaga spawns jokes about old queens, Suri Cruise goes glam like never before, Tiger Woods' wife buys a mansion in Sweden. Tuesday gossip keeps coming back for more.

Taylor² (Lautner and Swift) are awesome, and even Kings of Leon say so. Amy Adams: having a baby, and this too, is awesome. Naomi Campbell, Julia Roberts, and George Stephanopoulos give me 90s nostalgia. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Author/socialite Plum Sykes and her twin sister, fashion designer/socialite Lucy Sykes Rellie are turning 40 today. Jay-Z is celebrating his 40th birthday, too. Tyra Banks turns 36. Marisa Tomei is turning 45. Saturday Night Live's Fred Armisen is 43. Actor Jeff Bridges is 60. Ugly Betty's Kevin Sussman is 39. Former porn star Nikki Tyler is 37. And former game show host Wink Martindale turns 75 today. A handful of weekend birthdays are below.

If you needed a reminder to never step foot in any establishment co-owned by Jay-Z and/or to avoid Atlantic City at all costs, here you have it. [TMZ]

Derek Jeter: planning on sexing Minka Kelly in all 62 rooms of St. Jetersburg. Sandra Bullock's new look: chola. Anna Wintour: apartment shopping for spawn. Diddy and Jay-Z: alone with caviar? Alec Baldwin: apocalyptic. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!

• Are Jude Law and Sienna Miller back together? That's what it looked like when the duo were seen cavorting at The Box last Thursday, but reps for the two are denying it. [NYDN]
• Either Jay-Z is a really thoughtful husband or Beyoncé is a bit of a control freak, but Jay refused to take photos with the models at the Victoria's Secret fashion show last week supposedly "out of respect" for his wife. [P6]
• Heidi Klum has officially taken Seal's last name and is now Heidi Samuel. Please update your address books, thanks. [People]
• The American Music Awards took place last night. Some highlights: Taylor Swift won three awards; Michael Jackson won four posthumous prizes; Lady Gaga set a piano on fire; Adam Lambert's S&M-themed closing act involved getting a mock blowjob and kissing a male band member; and Jennifer Lopez fell down on her most famous asset, but she managed to pick herself up and carry on as if nothing had happened. [People, MSNBC, TMZ]

RobPatz and K-Stew are doing it, a lot, instead of promotions. Jay-Z doesn't want to piss off Beyonce. Christie Brinkley: psycho. Diddy: birthday boy. Marv Albert Vs. 50 Cent? Fight of the year! Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Mariah Carey must be determined to earn back the title of "world's most demanding diva." For an appearance at a London shopping shopping center to kick off the holiday season, she asked for 20 white kittens, 100 white doves, and confetti shaped like butterflies. She also requested a Rolls-Royce, pink carpet, pink podium, and a security staff of 80 to protect her entourage of 15. Then again all she asked for in her dressing room were a few bottles of water, so it isn't as if she's totally out of control, is it? [NYDN, DM]
• Jude Law made the unfortunate decision to move into a building next to an NYU dorm and he hasn't been too happy about the students who invariably look down on him as he plays with his kids or works out with his trainer. When Law recently noticed students waving at him from across the way, he responded by pelting their windows with oranges. That'll do it! [NYP]
• Madonna is still saving the world. But she isn't taking any chances while she does it, clearly. She insisted on wearing a bullet-proof vest under her jacket while touring a "lawless" Rio de Janeiro favela recently. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan's gig at Emanuel Ungaro may be coming to an end soon. The company's chairman reportedly wants her out since he, like the rest of the world, wasn't impressed with the "cheesy and dated" outfits she debuted at Paris Fashion Week, and many stores are refusing to carry the line. Ungaro CEO Mounir Moufarrige wants to keep her, though, to save face. [P6]

• Did David Letterman's wife boot him out of the house because he "balked at telling her the complete truth about the female staffers he bedded"? That's what the National Enquirer has been claiming, although his spokesman says it isn't true. So maybe he's just still sleeping on the couch. [NYDN]
• Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital for the 143rd time. It was due to an "adverse reaction" she had to cold medicine. Naturally. [Mirror]
• A brawl at a club in Queens over the weekend led cops to shoot a man who once worked as a bodyguard for Jay-Z, Mariah Carey and Diddy. [NYP]
• Paris Hilton is "declaring war" on the Kardashian sisters because they're more famous than she is these days and they're earning more money, too. Paris has "hatched a plan" to return to her former perch as tabloid queen, however. It entails launching a new hair and beauty line and playing up her "more stable relationship with Doug Reinhardt." [P6]

Daniel Craig walking near Columbus Circle with girlfriend Satsuki Mitchell ... Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump walking downtown ... Iman crossing the street with her daughter in SoHo ... Michael J. Fox watching a New York Giants game ... Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos seated next to Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky at Lure on Saturday night ... Emily Blunt leaving her trailer on the set of The Adjustment Bureau in Midtown ... Mel Gibson walking with a friend in SoHo ... Adam Brody on the set of The Romantics on Long Island ... Sienna Miller walking her dog ... David Blaine hanging out in SoHo ... John McEnroe walking up Central Park West ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts pushing a stroller downtown ... Mariah Carey filming her latest music video ... Taylor Swift heading to the SNL afterparty ... Katie Holmes going to dinner in Tribeca ... and Alex Rodriguez and Jay-Z leaving Nello's.

• Are Beyoncé and Jay-Z making plans to have a baby? Perhaps. In a recent interview, Jay "let it slip that procreating is high on the duo's priority list right now." [NYDN]
• Madonna seems to be taking the next step with boyfriend Jesus Luz. She's reportedly jetting to Brazil to meet Luz's parents, including his mom who happens to be fifteen years younger than Madonna. This shouldn't be awkward at all! [Sun]
• Michael Lohan hasn't been sharing his daughter's dramatic phone calls with the world out of the goodness of his heart. He apparently first tried to sell them to various TV networks for $100,000, but ended up striking a deal with Radar, which has Gosselin giving them up for free but getting paid for an interview. Meanwhile, the latest Lohan phone call has been released. [P6, Radar]