• Presumably this is what happens when you spend time hanging out with John Mayer: Dick Parsons (right), the former chairman and CEO of Time Warner and currently the chairman of the board of Citigroup, not only cheated on his wife of three decades with a "model-philanthropist" 29 years his junior, he fathered a child with her, too. [NYDN]
• Sean Penn and wife Robin Wright Penn may not be getting divorced after all. Weeks after filing for legal separation, Penn has withdrawn the motion, either because he only did it in a fit of anger, or because he got jealous after seeing Robin flirting with a handful of men at the Cannes Film Festival. [NYDN, P6]
• The "Real Housewives of New York" have all reportedly signed on for a third season and are expected to make upwards of $30,000 per episode. [MSNBC]

• Lindsay Lohan certainly had an eventful weekend. After a judge issued a warrant for her arrest on Friday, Lindsay had a meltdown on Twitter and ended up in a fight with Sam Ronson that was so intense, the cops had to be called. It's not over yet: She's scheduled to appear in court today, although she may not show. [People, Gawker, TMZ, NYP]
• Olivia Palermo isn't making friends in her Tribeca apartment building. She strutted past the people gathered in the lobby last Thursday "completely oblivious" to the fact that one of the building's apartments was on fire. [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and her trainer Tracy Anderson are having trouble finding people to pay $4,500 to join their new Tribeca gym. What a surprise. [P6]

• Poor Gwynnie will have to brave V-Day alone, since Chris Martin's on tour and she's not sure what continent he's on. [NYDN]
• Chris Brown left Las Vegas yesterday, where he'd been holed up at the Hard Rock. He also updated his Facebook page, changing his status to single and writing, "You'll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!" [NYP, E!]
• Jesus Luz, Madonna's 22-year-old "special friend," is now into Kabbalah. [P6]
• Joaquin Phoenix is still running around town acting crazy; it's still unclear if he's drugged out of his mind or if it's just a big hoax. [NYDN]

• Bruce Wasserstein tied the knot with a "much younger Asian woman" two weekends ago, although details about the billionaire's new bride remain scarce. [P6]
• Alex Rodriguez is jealous and embarrassed that Madonna has been spending so much time with 22-year-old model Jesus Luz, since it makes him look like he got "dumped for a younger stud." [NYDN]
• The City's Jay Lyon—who was named Brent Tuhton until he changed it—has scored a record contract with Universal. [P6]
• Could Mark Badgley and James Mischka really be breaking up? Who is going to design our Oscar gown? [NYDN]

♦ Is Kate Hudson trying to steal Alex Rodriguez away from Madonna? She was spotted with her "arms completely wrapped around" him at a party in Miami this weekend. But she might just be trying to steal Jason Statham away from his girlfriend, since the two were seen downing dirty martinis together. [NYDN, P6]
♦ A PETA activist pelted Lindsay Lohan with a bag of flour at an event in Paris on Saturday. Sam Ronson responded by dissing the activist on MySpace: "My dog is far more civilized than that person." [People]
♦ Kanye West was arrested in London on Friday after an altercation with a photographer. Now he's suggesting the entire episode was "bogus," and has upset some Brits by comparing himself to Princess Di. [People, The Sun]
♦ Sarah Palin may collect a $7 million advance if she writes a book. [MSNBC]

MTV's worst-kept rumor has finally been confirmed: eternally OMG-faced Whitney Port (seemingly the most normal member of The Hills) has gotten her own NYC spinoff show, The City. According to Us, "Port, now a Diane Von Furstenberg employee, reunites with 'a best friend from her past' and meets 'a guy she's head-over-heels for.'" Translation: MTV provides Port with brand-new, camera-ready pals (including NYC socialite Olivia Palermo) and a carefully focus-grouped boyfriend! Paparazzi snaps of Port filming have strongly suggested that the teased love interest is Aussie musician Jay Lyon, who already has one ignoble celebrity relationship on his resume:

Tina Fey and Peter Dinklage filming scenes for 30 Rock outside NBC studios ... Whitney Port walking on the Bowery with Jay Lyon ... Blake Lively carrying her dog on the set of Gossip Girl ... Sarah Vowell standing outside the Letterman show ... Tom Cruise leaving an office building in SoHo with Katie Holmes and Suri ... Brooke Shields on the set of Lipstick Jungle ... Anne Hathaway showing up at the SNL after-party at McCormick & Schmick ... and Carrot Top and his girlfriend arriving at LaGuardia.