A new report from Playboy Magazine claims old blueprints link the Playboy Mansion to several neighboring celebrity homes via a series of secret tunnels.

Say a prayer for James Caan's divorce attorney, who is rapidly carving out a highly specialized niche for himself—James Caan divorces.

Owen Wilson, Woody Allen and Carla Bruni make a movie. Ben Affleck does a movie too—about wife-swapping. Steven Segal is back. Zac Efron is rich. Our last significant digit must be five or greater, because we're rounding up.

• Mariah Carey must be determined to earn back the title of "world's most demanding diva." For an appearance at a London shopping shopping center to kick off the holiday season, she asked for 20 white kittens, 100 white doves, and confetti shaped like butterflies. She also requested a Rolls-Royce, pink carpet, pink podium, and a security staff of 80 to protect her entourage of 15. Then again all she asked for in her dressing room were a few bottles of water, so it isn't as if she's totally out of control, is it? [NYDN, DM]
• Jude Law made the unfortunate decision to move into a building next to an NYU dorm and he hasn't been too happy about the students who invariably look down on him as he plays with his kids or works out with his trainer. When Law recently noticed students waving at him from across the way, he responded by pelting their windows with oranges. That'll do it! [NYP]
• Madonna is still saving the world. But she isn't taking any chances while she does it, clearly. She insisted on wearing a bullet-proof vest under her jacket while touring a "lawless" Rio de Janeiro favela recently. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan's gig at Emanuel Ungaro may be coming to an end soon. The company's chairman reportedly wants her out since he, like the rest of the world, wasn't impressed with the "cheesy and dated" outfits she debuted at Paris Fashion Week, and many stores are refusing to carry the line. Ungaro CEO Mounir Moufarrige wants to keep her, though, to save face. [P6]

Gerard Butler rejects Kelly Bensimon, Adam Lambert's fans throw sex toys at him, Ashley Olsen is surprised she didn't end up like Britney, Ryan O'Neal gave his 11-year-old son cocaine, Joan Rivers hates Jon Gosselin and Madonna plagiarizes a poet.

Fashion Week queen bee Fern Mallis turns 61 today. The legendary Diana Ross turns 65. Nancy Pelosi is 69. Keira Knightley is celebrating her 24th. Steven Tyler is 61. Curtis Sliwa turns 55. Michael Imperioli is 43. Journalist Bob Woodward turns 66. Author Erica Jong is 67. Martin Short is 59. James Caan is turning 69. Amy Smart is 33. Jennifer Grey is 49. Leeza Gibbons turns 52. Kenny Chesney is turning 41. NBC's Chris Hansen turns 50. Hedge fund manager William von Mueffling is 41. And Elaine Chao, the former Labor Secretary and current sister-in-law of Bruce Wasserstein, is 56 today.

From the cancer-stricken title character of Brian's Song to the broken-footed novelist of Misery (don't even get us started on The Godfather), James Caan knows a thing or two about suffering onscreen. So naturally we're stunned to learn that the "creative differences" that irreparably fractured the actor's relationship with David O. Russell on the set of Nailed came down to... the proper way to choke on a cookie? "Russell asked him to cough as he choked, but Caan argued that the character couldn't cough and choke to death at the same time," wrote Gregg Goldstein today in The Hollywood Reporter. "Russell suggested that they shoot it both ways, but the actor expressed distrust that his version would be considered and left the South Carolina set." Caan's replacement has yet to be determined, but will be screened carefully by the newly wary Russell for his knowledge of (and loose adherance to) basic physiological functions. [THR]

James Caan and Jake Gyllenhaal are the latest casualties of David O. Russell's tastefully hands-on directing style, which this week resulted in the Caan's departure from and Gyllenhaal's apparent whimpering around the set of Russell's latest film, Nailed. As reported today, Caan walked out after "creative differences" with the tempestuous filmmaker best known for berating Lily Tomlin while shooting I Heart Huckabees (or is it for fighting George Clooney during Three Kings? It's always been too close for us to call).

And another thing about these fuckin' kids today is that they don't know how to wear a pair of pants. How do you fuck that up? Whatever happened going down to Brooks Brothers and having some tailor taking your measurements and coming back with a pair of pants that fits? And what's with all the typing on the phone? Whatsamatta with everyone? Suddenly, we've all become Mr. Greenjeans and we can't pick up a phone and talk to somebody? I gotta e-mail my own son in order to ask him how he's doing. Mr. Big Shot never has the time to pick up the phone.