· Theater-goers will be spared Kelly Osbourne in Hairspray, as she's already booked for a Rosie O'Donnell project. [Page Six]
· Frances McDormand, the cover girl for this month's High Times magazine, says she gladly accepted a gift pack that included a joint, grinder, rolling papers and top-quality bud. "This will last me about four months." [Page Six]
· Jackie Collins' next novel includes an actress named Cat (*cough* Gwyneth *cough*) who "is blonde, independent, has a hit movie, rock star husband plus an amorous studio mogul insistent on making her do things his way or not at all." [Page Six]
· Cindy Adams takes a subtle dig at Vogue by pointing out that the rock-star treatment Anna Wintour got at the Milan fashion shows was "All for a mag that's now second in ad pages to InStyle." [Cindy Adams]
· Comic Mario Cantone on the recent terror alerts: "Yellow alert! Orange alert! Who designed the terror warning - the Gay Men's Chorus?...How could they do all this to me just as I was coming out of my depression?" [NY Daily News]