Verizon Wireless has a bad case of iPhone envy, starting at the top. COO Jack Plating privately fumed to his minions in a company memo headlined "iWhatever" — of which Valleywag got a copy — that the iPhone is "yet another attempt to stay competitive with us." The problem with Plating's fit of pique? Beyond fuming about the iPhone, he doesn't have much to say. Instead, he counsels store workers to tout Verizon's network and its "18 multimedia devices." Sure, Verizon has 18 music phones. But — how to put it delicately? — they all suck, including the latest LG Chocolate.Granted, I haven't played with the new Chocolate, just the old one. But just from the photos and feature list, I can tell that Verizon and LG haven't changed it enough to make a difference. They haven't fixed the phone's unusable user interface, tiny screen, and annoying numeric keypad. Think sending text messages on the iPhone is annoying? With the Chocolate, you're back to thumbing your way through the alphabet. And then there are the numbers. LG has crowed about selling 6 million phones, worldwide, in its first year. But the iPhone has, according to reports, sold 1 million phones in five days. And that's just in the U.S. Here's how Plating closes his little pep talk, which he asks workers to regurgitate to potential customers not just on the job, but at "backyard barbecues":