A French preschool teacher who ignited a manhunt in a suburb north of Paris after he said he was stabbed in the neck by an ISIS sympathizer admitted to police today that he actually just invented the entire story.

After calling for a “a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States” yesterday, Donald Trump sat down with Barbara Walters, his personal friend of many years, for an interview on ABC’s World News Tonight. Walters asked Trump the tough questions, like “Do you regret your ban on Muslims, which some people think is un-American?” and “Are you a bigot?”

Rukmini Callimachi has written an excellent piece of news analysis on how a United States ground war against ISIS would fulfill certain apocalyptic prophesies undergirding the militant group’s ideology and recruitment tactics: “They want troops on the ground. Because they have already envisioned it.”

Three Syrian soldiers were killed and 13 wounded in an airstrike on Sunday night. The Syrian government in Damascus has accused the U.S.-led coalition of the bombing, the Associated Press reports, but a senior U.S. military official said the Pentagon was “certain” it was the Russians.

It’s generally assumed that the last thing the world needs is more kids pursuing a degree in philosophy, sociology, and other fields of study that generate annoying adults and bloggers. But a new study says that if we had fewer scientists and engineers, ISIS would starve.

Speaking from the Oval Office on Sunday, President Barack Obama addressed the ambient cloud of fear and paranoia that has descended over the nation of late. This weekend, his administration designated the San Bernardino mass shooting “an act of terrorism” inspired (but not directed) by ISIS.

In the wake of the horrific shootings that left 14 dead in San Bernardino last week, new details have emerged about the 29-year-old female shooter, Tashfeen Malik.

Why isn’t ISIS massacring people in the United States every day? Even after the FBI declared the San Bernardino massacre an “act of terrorism” today, the 14 bodies added to the jihadist column on the murder scoreboard still left Islamic radicals trailing right-wing extremists, 48 to 45.

German lawmakers voted today to aid France in the fight against ISIS in Syria. Per the AP, Germany will engage in a “broad noncombat mission” by sending reconnaissance jets and a frigate to support French operations.

The female San Bernardino shooter, Tashfeen Malik, “pledged allegiance to the leader of the Islamic State” on Facebook sometime before or during Wednesday’s attack, authorities say—though there’s still no indication the attack was encouraged or sponsored by ISIS.

Donald Trump, who is currently leading Republican primary polls by saying things like, “I would bomb the shit out of ISIS,” revealed today more of his nuanced plans to combat the terrorist network. In a call to his fans at Fox & Friends, he said he would “take out the families” of ISIS members, too.

On Tuesday, Defense Secretary Ash Carter told Congress that the United States military will deploy a new, permanent “expeditionary force” to Iraq, escalating the fight there against ISIS.

Thomas Piketty calculates that the Middle East is the most economically unequal region on earth. Could this have anything to do with terrorism?? What a controversial thought!

Scott Adams—the man behind everyone’s favorite suicidal coffee mug adornment—has some thoughts he’d like to share with the world. No, this time it’s not about how much of a genius he is (not to brag). Nor is it about how rapes aren’t the rapist’s fault (they can’t help themselves!). Instead, today, Scott Adams would like to take a moment to talk to you about ISIS and the root cause of its many evils—otherwise known as women.

ISIS isn’t just a sprawling paramilitary terrorist organization, it’s also a media company, with digital and print publications reaching a global audience. Its flagship publication is Dabiq, the Vogue of global jihad. In its February 2015 issue, the chief suspect in the recent assault on Paris sat down for an interview and made his intentions obvious.

Hawk’s hawk’s hawk’s hawk’s hawk Lindsey Graham intends to propose an authorization for the use of military force that would allow the U.S. President to wage unlimited war against ISIS, world without end. Total war. Because this has never been a bad idea.

ISIS supporters circulated a video on Wednesday that appears to threaten New York City. In a statement, the NYPD said that it was aware of the newly-released video, but that there is “no current or specific threat to the City at this time.” The video can be seen here.

A deeply confused pack of hoodlums has been terrorizing a local ISIS den (of books and other assorted gifts) in Denver ever since the (unaffiliated) ISIS-perpetrated attacks in Paris last week. Now, the store’s owners have a message for the world: Please leave ISIS (Books & Gifts) alone.