The (now former) North Las Vegas Chief of Police Joseph Chronister retired yesterday, and with it, he’s decided to reveal some of the more disturbing goings-on in the force. More specifically, the fact that “what he believed to be” child pornography somehow just kept “popping up” on Mayor John Lee’s iPad—which the cops then helped him promptly delete.

“Some heartless monster stole an iPad prototype from an Apple developer’s home in Cupertino,” begins nearly every article written about the incident. It’s still at large! They took drugs and money! Did we mention the iPad? Oh—and a man was also kidnapped. But please do let us know if you hear anything about that iPad.

George Zimmerman doesn’t want anyone to know what happened between him, his wife and her parents during a domestic dispute on Monday. The Associated Press reports that Zimmerman tried to destroy an iPad that his wife used to record the dispute, breaking the device into several pieces. (According to the transcript of the 911 call his wife placed, he used a pocket knife.) Police are now trying to determine whether the footage can be salvaged.

For those of you who wondered how George W. Bush learned to paint his thought-provoking outsider art, the secret was revealed by Laura Bush on NPR's "Morning Edition" today: "an app on his iPad where he could draw pictures".

After Allen Engstrom accidentally left his iPad on a plane back in February, he was unable to track it down, and, as Senator Chuck Grassley might say, assumed iPad lost.

Maybe it's his youthful open-mindedness, maybe it's because he's related to a hipster, but no matter the explanation, there's no doubt that very cool things are happening for North Korea under the leadership of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un.

Like most 17-year-olds his age, Wang wanted to keep up with the latest technology and impress his friends. Unlike most 17-year-olds his age, Wang decided that the best way to do that was to sell his kidney for an iPad and an iPhone.

As we speak, Gawker Media gadget site Gizmodo is liveblogging writing about the forthcoming release of Apple's iPad 3. Will the new device have a screen? Will it have a blade for stabbing Nook users? Will Steve Jobs descend from the heavens with a chorus of angels? Will the angels be clothed, or will there be "naked private parts"?

Tomorrow is the big day when Apple announces its new "iPad 3." Or will it be called the "iPad HD?" Who gives a shit, really? Same gadget either way. Get a hobby.

You can't miss BetaBeat's profile of Kirk and Nate Mueller. They are twee twin twentysomething designers, omg. They design all of the iPad things, OMG. They refer to themselves as "living decorative objects," ZOMG.

So, you'd like to advertise in an iPad magazine? Ha ha, sucker. Sure, you can buy an ad, right in an interactive version of a fancy Condé Nast lifestyle glossy. But you're going to pay through the nose with surcharges, because you're a mark.

Thrown off a plane. Subject to a proposed boycott. And now this, a final humiliating insult to Alec Baldwin, for playing an iOS app when he shouldn't have: The Federal Aviation Administration says the actor's airline nemeses can use iPads in flight, even while prohibiting Baldwin from doing the same thing.

This 12-year-old iPhone developer has a couple of all-too-rare things going for him: A solid product idea, and a strong ability to communicate with the public. The rest of the tech world should watch his TED talk—yes, his TED talk; what, haven't you done one?—and learn.

The latest from deranged luxury goods craftsman Stuart Hughes: a solid gold iPad 2 that is studded with 65 flawless diamonds, framed with prehistoric mollusk fossils, and inlaid with shards from the thigh bone of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Asking price is $8 million.

We've all fretted over the nutrition gap, and the achievement gap between rich and poor children. But there's a hot new gap in town: the app gap. Poor kids don't getting enough educational smartphone apps!

In her New York Times Sunday Book Review critique of the hottest book on the planet, Walter Issacson's 630-page biography, Steve Jobs, Janet Maslin quotes a passage in which the author extolls the triumph that is the iPad, as well as the tens of thousands of apps that can run on it. "One that he mentions," Maslin writes, "which will be as quaint as 'Pong' some day, features the use of a slingshot to shoot down angry birds."

Here's a one-year-old child whose parents taught her to use an iPad. Now when she's given a magazine, she tries to move her finger over the pages, clueless that it doesn't work the same way.

Asked about his iPad, Barack Obama made sure ABC News' George Stephanopoulous knew "Steve Jobs actually gave to to me a little bit early. Yeah, it was cool. I got it directly from him." Then he blushed, swear to God.

Yesterday Bloomberg reported that The Daily was averaging just 120,000 readers per week, well short of Rupert Murdoch's 500,000 reader goal for the iPad newspaper. But we're told the situation is worse than that.

Their lips still chapped from smooching Apple, the news media have discovered they must now suck up to Facebook, too. Just as Apple has the wildly popular iPad, Facebook has 800 million users, many of whom check it first thing in the morning in place of a newspaper. Which is why everyone today leapt to go to work in Mark Zuckerberg's money mill, and thanked him for the privilege.