Were you confused when you woke up Monday and some members of the elite were outraged about something and other members of the elite were not outraged? Internicene elitist warfare! Confusing! If you were like everyone on the internet, your reaction to that New Yorker cover satirizing the rumors about the Obamas went through five steps, from shock on Sunday to acceptance earlier this afternoon. Let us explain!

Daily Candy, the email newsletter for women addicted to expensive handbags, has been on sale for more than two years. But word is that the highly profitable internet property-founded by Dany Levy but now controlled by former MTV and AOL boss Bob Pittman-is finally about to find a buyer. Details, anyone?

Internet person Rex Sorgatz put the pieces together-the New York story on the mean Brownstoner commenter, the Times story on commenters running the asylums, and finally last week's Time piece that was kinda-sorta in defense of anonymous nastiness. Commenters are a trend! Everyone is basically terrified of them! And this weekend, former blog entrepreneur Jason Calacanis up and quit the internet. Or, at least, he quit blogging. And started a private email list! Which is basically the definitive proof that the War is Over and the Commenters Won.

Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer came by the Gawker offices last night. Late last night. After Blakeley's Media Meshing party, while various of our peers were back in the office playing beer pong. We don't know why he was there. We weren't there! Though Rex Sorgatz, who does not work for Gawker, was! Comment Guru Kaila was there too, and she shares this Scott Kidder photograph of the odd event along with her own recounting of the details:

This... is odd. UK newspaper company Guardian Media Group just bought a blog! For more than $30 million! (To be fair, that's like 10 million quid now probably, but still.) The blog is paidContent; it covers dry internet media news and chronicles lots of important business-y stuff involving "digital media." It's a very nice site, but $30 million? While media stocks tank? For a site whose revenue comes from, like, bankers making money off media deals? Ok, Guardian! It's your money! But there's more good news: this deal will annoy Jason Calacanis!

What month is it... July? It's been weeks since someone wrote a story about how Matt Drudge is the King of All Information! Thanks, Washington Post political blogger Chris Cillizza, for stepping up to the plate. The populace must be periodically reminded that all the news they receive comes from a reclusive weather-obsessed weirdo in Florida, lest they get uppity. So this week The Original Blogger is responsible for that Jesse Jackson "cut Obama's nuts off" story that the kids are so into. Because yesterday evening he, uh... hyped the fact that it would be appearing on Fox later that night, after Sean Hannity announced it on the radio hours earlier and as Jackson himself released his apology to the wires. Follow? Matt Drudge is responsible for this story that was already everywhere by the time he picked it up. Of course, we're just being cynical—he's still ridiculously over-influential! But WHY?

It's hard to convince people, sometimes, that blogging is a "real" job. But it totally is, in a statistically insignificant (but marginally growing!) number of cases. But, you know, the obsessive hobbyists don't help with that perception. And, uh, neither does this ad, from the University of Phoenix.

Ameritocracy is some new blog site widget internet social networking community aggregator or something, in which people vote on things other people say and decide if they are relevant. Whatever, it's terrible. But there's a Kennedy involved! A real-life Kennedy! They had a launch party with two Kennedys! Robert Kennedy Jr and Robert Kennedy III! (Note to the Kennedys: there are other names.) Those Kennedys showed up because Bobby III is their "outreach director." And also because if there is one thing members of the Kennedy family know about, it is getting ahead in "a meritocracy." (Do you see what they did there?) Attached is the press release celebrating this revolutionary new website. Maybe they can hire Robert Kennedy IV as their proofreader?

Yes it's fine to post a photo of your adorable child on Flickr, why not? The dangers are: a) perverts will get off on these photos, b) predators will, who knows, decide to kidnap your adorable child because she is soooo cute on the internet, or c) your child will be targeted for online abuse by bloggers somewhere, for some reason. The first two are bullshit. Perverts will masturbate to everything, who cares. You are more likely to abuse your child than a stranger. And finally, as we've tried to explain, all this online abuse of innocent kids is actually directed at their over-sharing parents. So rest easy, Wall Street Journal mommyblogger! Or, like, make the pictures friends-only, as your friends have suggested. Either one. Christ. [WSJ]

Unfortunately for me, I don't roll around in the comment threads of other sites, so I am just now learning that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull haters have decided that "Nuke the Fridge" is the new "Jump the Shark." Because, you know, they couldn't handle the campy opening scene in which Indy escapes a nuclear blast by hiding in a lead-lined refrigerator. I guess it does lack the gritty realism of faces being melted by one Biblical relic and a gut-shot being instantly healed by another or, say, using an inflatable raft as a parachute, or a thousand year-old knight or... Anywho...

Yesterday, a grown man threw a tantrum and stormed off the internet. Because we bullied him. It wasn't pretty. Are we proud? Well, it's a living. We spent today mulling over some wise advice we received. And, of course, it's true. We should be constructive! In the spirit of friendship, we'll explain how to survive the Internet without letting the bastards get you down. Heed our words, and you'll never have to shut down another blog. Or quit a message board, or ban yourself from a comments section. Never again will you hear the sirens of the waaaahmbulance.

Hey! Remember Dimitri, the guy who left the psychotic voicemails? Remember how much fun we had with that? Dimitri doesn't seem to be too upset that his incredibly creepy pickup strategy leaked onto the internet. He just relaunched his webstite! THE OFFICIAL WEB SITE OF DIMITRI THE LOVER, CANADA'S GREATEST LOVER AND SEDUCER is live! Just last night his site announced something major in the works. And here it is! He's working on a full-length documentary, apparently, as well as two reality shows. One is called "Doctor Dimitri, Malpractice Investigator," which actually sounds totally A+ would watch.

It's hard out there for an Objectivist. At least, that's according to Normative founder Jakob Lodwick, who cites his mama when deciding that we're all just too negative to appreciate the risk-taking, innovative soul behind Vimeo and (too a much more secretive extent) Muxtape. You animals have scared him away from the Internet with your snide comments and ad hominem insults! Never mind that markets, like emotional states, tend to be volatile — if your will is positive enough, you can conquer all, promise! At least, that's the theory. Lodwick has decided to stop trying to live up to it and will cease to publish anything but positivity online, presumably with comments disabled.

The internet is full of scorn and advice for The Youngs, today. Everyone is so concerned! It's sweet. As we mentioned, Doree explores the topic of foolish Ivy League entitlement at some length in The Observer. Young-on-young violence! Meanwhile some of us are forced into oppressive internshps. An angry old man says quit bitching, basically. A sad young literary old man has advice (?) about how we Youngs are full of GUFF. Guff toward him! Of all people! This rubs some youngs the wrong way. But there is a solution! To everyone's problem! Everyone needs to drop out of school, as soon as possible. The best of the best have done it and lived to tell the tale. Including that angry old guy from before, who was, once again, ahead of the curve. He has moved on to unemployment, which is, we hear, similarly freeing. Who else is in? Update: Ha ha ha. Maybe we should all learn trades?

Years ago—before the age of blogs—a young Will Leitch appeared on Comedy Central's Win Ben Stein's Money. You may know Will as the blogger who brought Deadspin into the world, wrote some books, and who is now leaving the internet to be a columnist at New York. In 1997, though, he was a dude who just got dumped by his fiance and was now on television for some reason attempting a Woody Allen impression. Will wrote about the experience for the Black Table many moons ago, and now we see that the video is actually online. Amazing.

Lawyer Arin Greenwood ate some Nutraloaf for Slate. What is Nutraloaf? A delicious taste sensation served to prisoners who are being punished. It provides a whole day's nutrients in, uh, loaf form. Apparently there is a case before the Vermont Supreme Court over whether or not serving Nutraloaf counts as cruel and unusual. This is the peg for the Slate piece. (Though prisoners have been suing over the loaf for years, apparently.) So Greenwood makes a batch and eats it. And it's really gross. But a bunch of lawyers decided it's not bad enough to sue over. BUT at the arts and culture writers at The Onion's A.V. Club did this same stunt last April!

So the New York Times has a Twitter account. (Twitter is the internet thing that tells everyone in the world what you're doing so they can make fun of you properly.) And it's an embarrassment! More embarrassing is the Twitter account for "The Moment," their new... blog-thing that is tied to T Magazine, the content-free style supplement to the Times Magazine. This Twitter is weird and aggressively friendly! But... who is behind it? Whose far-too-casual first-person Tweet are we even following? (Probably "Jonathan S. Paul," who posted about Twittering about posting this Art Party.) Whoever it is got drunk at an Art Party last night and peed next to Sean Lennon. Right now T twitter is following all the other Times Twitter accounts that just link back to things at the Times. If they really wanted to get all Webby they'd start a Tumblr that bitched about Gawker. [Twitter via Radar]

While the amount of time American teenagers spent online and watching television both increased year-over-year, average time online increased from 10.7 hours last year to 12.5 hours this year, surpassing the amount of time spent in front of the television, 11.9 hours. If television viewing isn't losing eyeball share, what is? Reading. The number of teens and tweens who read a magazine for fun were both down from last year. [MediaWeek] (Photo by Derek Baird)

The email reprinted above is the founding document of the beloved Media Bloggers Association, that venerable organization that bloggers across the world recognize as the leading bullshit pretend front for one self-aggrandizing tool to get on TV all the time and pretend to represent citizen journalists. That they recognize now, anyway, because until the MBA inserted itself into the Associated Press blog dispute, no one had heard of the four-year-old organization. Though Robert Cox, the guy behind the MBA, was perhaps more well-known as the notorious right-wing crank and annoying tool behind Olbermann Watch, the blog that disagrees with everything MSNBC host Keith Olbermann says. Come read the email that started it all, and learn so much more about Robert Cox.

Recently, we met the Media Bloggers Association, supposedly a group that provides legal aid to bloggers and one that is currently negotiating with the Associated Press to establish guidlines for reposting tiny snippets of their copy. Our night editor asked who died and made them Internet Kings, and they responded with a bitchy email that said we didn't even email them or anything. Then a couple enterprising commenters did some more research (and not the "email them for comment" kind either-what is up with the internet?). And now we have reason to be suspicious of everything the MBA and their head troll Roger Cox have to say. They might just be a money-making scam!