The elderly security guard who took a knife to the chest while stopping a stabbing spree at a Pennsylvania high school has been fired by his employer, a private contractor. John Resetar, 70, says he was told he was too old to do his job.

What a truly wonderful world it is in which we live, where a Siberian stripper can come to America, work her way up the pole to the point where she's performing a champagne room command performance for the likes of Oscar de la Hoya, spend 24 hours in a Philadelphia Ritz-Carlton room during which she snaps the welterweight champion enacting his deepest fishnets-and-pumps-wearing desires, sell said photos to a hungry paparazzi agency for $70,000, and then—and this is the real coup de grâce—turn around and sue de la Hoya for $100 million for allowing the boxer to convince her not to shoot higher with her asking price. From the Reuters report: