A Utah mother was so disgusted by t-shirts bearing the image of a nearly-nude woman that she bought out every last shirt in the store's stock when they refused to immediately take down their displays.

It is 2013 and people are still offended by the animated Fox TV show The Simpsons. This week, Governmentattic.org obtained an archive of indecency complaints about the Simpsons to the FCC from 2010-2013, via Freedom of Information Act request, . They are pretty amazing. (There's also an archive of South Park complaints [pdf] but people getting upset about The Simpsons is much funnier.)

The latest front in America's whorish War on Decency could be as close as the drug store aisle. Our nation's Pandora-like women, outfitted in buttocks-baring short shorts as they prowl the landscape for the "good time" Appletini party boy of the night, now demand the right to have unspeakable varieties of grossly sexual concoctions and tools for prodding into nameless bodily crevices available for purchase at every small-town retailer and drug store. How long before your child comes home from a "candy run" to reveal a mouthful not of Lik-M-Aid but of KY Jelly, what with its eye-catching, alluring packaging?

In the Real-American stronghold of South Carolina, of all places, a 65-year-old woman has been accused of violating the state obscenity law by hanging a pair of Truck Nutz plastic testicles from the back of her pickup truck. What's next, a ban on the American flag?

Remember that couple who had sex in broad daylight in a public pool in Indiana, in plain view of dozens of witnesses, including children? Well, adult swim is officially over. Their days of playing chicken are long behind them. No one will be doggie-paddling in anyone's deep end from this moment on.

Feeling the heat? Why not take your kids down to Indiana's Roberts Park Family Aquatic Center? Just try not to look at the two people having sex in the pool!

New Orleans pastor Grant Storms was arrested for indecency after being caught punching the Pope in a park. Storms harassed partiers at gay festival Southern Decadence for decades. Now he's calling himself a "hypocrite." He beat us to it!

A federal court ruled that the FCC's "unconstitutionally vague" indecency policies violate the First Amendment.

In your profane Tuesday media column: the FCC's indecency policy is struck down, John King is an unpopular host, Playboy's future is cloudy, and Campbell Brown has a mere two weeks left on CNN—though she has our hearts forever.

The Fox Network: freedom fighters, or the anchor around American pop culture's neck as it plummets down to the inevitable lowest common denominator in all forms of entertainment? Could be both! Fox is refusing to pay a $91,000 indecency fine from the FCC for a 2003 episode of the execrable show "Married By America" that featured guys licking whipped cream off strippers and being spanked [Variety]. On one hand, screw the uptight fascists at the FCC and their enforced moralizing! On the other hand, we know Fox is fighting this just so they don't set any precedents that would hinder their rush towards programming that will culminate in live executions of the poor on TV. So it's hard not to be torn on this issue. Below, what appears to be the only clip on YouTube of "Married By America' (not the stripper one). This was a justifiably unpopular show.