How much is your community spending to incarcerate members of your community? Probably a lot more than you think.

The USA incarcerates a higher percentage of its citizen than any other nation on earth. (We're #1!) Needless to say, we've accomplished that feat largely on the backs of minorities, particularly black people, who are incarcerated at more than six times the rate of white people. But, as unthinkable as it may have been not long ago, some elements of this trend are actually turning around for the better.

Here in America, our jails are full of old people, and it's costing us a ton of money to keep them in there. Huh. Now there is a problem which certainly could not have been foreseen by craven "Law and order" politicians prosecuting a useless "War on Drugs" for the sake of public popularity, nor by the simplistic bloodthirsty voters who repeatedly elected them in order to satisfy a primal hatred of "the other." Anyhow, we have a solution: let the old people out of jail.

For allegedly stealing a 24-ounce can of Steel Reserve, Victoria Hill of Boise, Idaho now faces up to ten years behind bars. Officers charged her with felony burglary, because she stuck the beer in her purse and walked by some cash registers—thereby indicating "intent."

If you're a lawbreaking type who also likes cockfighting, pool parties, and grinding, you should consider moving your criminal enterprise to Venezuela. Down there, if you get convicted for dealing drugs or whatever other crime it is you're in the habit of committing, you could end up hanging out ("being incarcerated") at the San Antonio prison on Margarita Island in Porlamar. Supposedly it's a real blast.

People with half a human soul still extant in their corporeal shells tend to be creeped out by the concept of "private prisons," what with its overtones of prison-industrial complex run amok. But hey, private prisons save a few bucks, so bring em on! Right? No.

Lindsay Lohan will soon turn herself into Lynwood's Century Regional Detention Facility for a 90-day sentence. How many days will she actually serve? Will she get extra time for her fingernail "fuck you"? What will her cell look like?