Queen Elizabeth II, fresh off her triumphant trip to her semi-retarded former colony, has invited her Academy-Award-winning portraitist (and occasional Defamer forbidden lust object) Helen Mirren to dine with her at Buckingham Palace. Reports spread quickly that Mirren turned the invitation down, for the rather unregal excuse that the actress was unable to escape the South Dakota shoot of the much-unanticipated next installment in the Bruckheimerian scavenger hunt series, National Treasure: Book of Secrets. Now, via a message tied to the leg of a carrier pigeon branded with the logo of a leading Hollywood P.R. firm, comes Mirren's own official explanation of the royal regrets: