· Famously temperamental thespian Russell Crowe will make his directorial debut on a feature adaptation of the documentary Bra Boys, about three brothers who started an underground surf movement in Sydney, during which the novice helmer will learn precisely how much damage a hurled megaphone can do to a mouthy PA's skull. Imagine's Brian Grazer to superproduce. [Ed.note—Since an update to this morning's Grazergate story is possible at some point today, we're forced to spare you the headshot at this time due to image bandwidth issues that could arise from its repeated posting.] [Variety]
· News Corp. and NBC Universal announce that they will partner with Microsoft, Yahoo, and AOL to create a copyright-friendly online video distribution system that will crush the YouTubes. "A game changer!" cackles News Corp. CEO Peter Chernin while high-fiving colleague Jeff Zucker of NBCU, giddy over the untold millions of shareholder dollars they'll spend on an ultimately inferior product. [THR]
· Emboldened by the success of series like Heroes and Deal or No Deal, NBC president Kevin Reilly is confident he'll get more respect in today's meeting with media buyers than he did a year ago, when he was subjected to a humiliating round of wedgies, swirlies, and "Kick Me! My Networks Sux!" signs taped to his back by bullies whose money he was desperate to take. [Variety]
· Jet Li is in negotiations to play the bad guy in the China-set, totally unnecessary third The Mummy movie. [THR]
· The West Coast-based Academy of TV Arts & Sciences (the organization behind the Real Emmys) and East-Coasted National Academy of TV Arts & Sciences (who handle the Daytime, or Fake, Emmys) are at war! At issue: some profoundly boring shit involving who gets to give out broadband awards no one will care about for 10 years. [Variety]

· Imagine's Brian Grazer will superproduce an utterly unneeded "American version" of the film Cache for Universal, from which partner Ron Howard will drain all nuance by "amp[ing] up the suspense and consequences" should he choose to direct it. [Variety]
· Satellite Radio Mergermania! Sirius and XM announce their intentions to combine into a single corporate entity—if the FCC approves a move that would result in the unholy pairing of Oprah Winfrey and Howard Stern on a single provider. [THR]
· In a move that should surprise only those reading the trades for the first time today after waking up from a three-year coma, Lionsgate and Twisted Pictures are going ahead with a fourth Saw movie, timed for a Halloween weekend release later this year. [Variety]
· Last night's episode of Heroes remained "scorching hot" in the 18-49 demographic; somewhat less engulfed in Nielsen's flame is Studio 60, which had its second consecutive week of record-low ratings. (We TiVo'd S60, so we're unable to make a reference to how Matt's battle with his pill-popping, hallucinated alter ego turned out. We regret being part of Sorkin's time-shifting problem.) [THR]
· Ghost Rider's total take over the three-day weekend is $51.5 million; that's the all-time Presidents Day weekend record, if you're into relatively meaningless box office statistics. [Variety]

While porcupine-becoiffed superproducer Brian Grazer (don't worry—we won't use the headshot) has long been developing a big screen treatment of James Brown's life story with the cooperation of the legend himself, just two days after the singer's death comes a report that Spike Lee has signed on to direct. And although Grazer wasn't necessarily looking for a Hollywood ending, something about Brown hip-gyrating off this mortal coil on Christmas Day makes for a satisfyingly spectacular conclusion to the life of a Soul Messiah:

The National Board of Review makes the first official penetration of the awards season orgy, naming Letters from Iwo Jima best film, Martin Scorcese best director, Forest Whitaker and Helen Mirren best actors, and Volver best foreign film. Brace yourself for the imminent deluge of awards and nominations announcements that may or may not have anything to do with a film's Oscar chances over the coming weeks. [Variety]
The Grammy nominations are out! And? These are probably the only words we're going to write about them: Mary J. Blige, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Justin Timberlake are all multiple nominees. [THR/Billboard
At yesterday's HRTS luncheon, showrunners of scripted programming gathered together to bitch about reality television and the absurdity of network censorship guidelines concerning the number of pelvic thrusts one may display during sci-fi show sex scenes. (Answer: as many as you can squeeze in without depicting "rhythmic sex.") [Variety]
· This article about the five actors who've joined Paul Haggis' next directoring effort, In the Valley of Elah/The Untitled Paul Haggis Project, makes absolutely no mention of Crash or its Oscar victory. For a very happy moment, we allowed ourselves to believe the win was just a very bad dream. And yes, we're still carrying around that pain. [THR]
Imagine's Brian Grazer chooses Spike Lee as the directorial vessel through which the superproducer can explore the L.A. riots in dramatic form, signing on to produce L.A. Riots for Universal. Negotiations are ongoing as to whether he can convince his director to bill the movie as "A Brian Grazer (with Spike Lee) Joint." [Variety]

A Defamer reader grew momentarily confused upon receiving their latest issue of National Geographic: What on Earth was the officially sanctioned portrait of Hollywood superproducer Brian Grazer doing on a magazine that usually covers the kinds of far-reaching and globally significant topics that Grazer himself regularly mines for Oscar gold? The answer, of course, lay in plain view, with a subhed that read "3.3-million-year-old bones discovered," which merely hinted at the sumptuous payoff that lay inside: 13 full-color pages of the most exciting paleontological discovery to come along in a while, featuring a perfect specimen of what researchers are now calling the "Earliest Producer," found lodged for undisturbed millennia at the discovery site, a corner table at The Grill on the Alley.

Universal beats out DreamWorks, Warner Independent and the Weinsteins for the movie rights to Peter Morgan's play Frost/Nixon, whose ideas Ron Howard will eventually dilute for mass consumption and producer Brian Grazer will claim as his own. [Variety]
Cate Blanchett is attached to star in the adaptation of "graphic memoir" Cancer Vixen: A True Story, in which she will depict cartoonist Marisa Acocella Marchetto, who "wore killer shoes to chemo sessions and strove to get married on time." [THR]
Viacom is cutting the salary of skeletal executive presence Sumner Redstone to bring it in line with that of the officers he recently installed to run the company, but Redstone will be able to boost his base compensation considerably through bonuses for cutting ties with too-expensive movie stars or unexpectedly firing popular underlings. [Variety/AP]
Pirates of the Caribbean finishes first overseas for the 11th time in 12 weekends, boosted by continuing support in Pacific Island territories in which Johnny Depp is worshipped as the demihuman incarnation of Toronga, a million-year-old, gay-pirate god. [THR]
ABC's Sunday ratings were still strong despite moving Grey's Anatomy to Thursday, with Desperate Housewives drawing nearly 24 million viewers eager to see what mirthlessly outrageous antics the ladies of Wisteria Lane will be up to in their third season. [Variety]

SAG looks to increase dues for the first time in seven years, a move that could put an unwelcome financial burden on your favorite bartender, valet parking attendant, or Starbucks barista in between slow-arriving residual checks. [Variety]
· On fledgling network The CW's premiere night, America's Next Top Model carries them to a win in the only demographic they truly care about, 18-34 year-olds, as the kids obviously put in the effort to figure out which channel is the new home of Tyra Banks' trademark sassiness. (Disclosure: We still have no idea what channel The CW landed on here in L.A. We suppose we'll figure it out eventually.) [THR]
· Adorably quirky superproducer Brian Grazer's Imagine TV is hooking up with the FBI to develop a drama about its role in the post-9/11 government. In the meantime, The Graze and his partners are hoping that new CBS series Shark will be a hit and make them incrementally richer. [Variety]
Justin Long will join Bruce Willis in the cast of the fourth Die Hard flick, Live Free or Die Hard, playing an obnoxious Mac enthusiast who scoffs at Willis' every frustrated attempt to download pictures from his digital camera onto his PC. [THR]
Thursday night ABC newcomer Grey's Anatomy defeats CBS timeslot stalwart CSI in both overall and key demographic viewership, leaving Les Moonves no choice but to promise his network affiliates that he plans on having the entire Grey's cast murdered by the end of the month. [Variety]

After four empty, unsatisfying months cruising Hollywood's swinging hotspots that were occasionally punctuated by romantic, old-timey bicycle rides by the Malibu shore, superproducer Brian Grazer has taken out a reconciliation notice in Page Six to let the town know that he's officially off the market again:

Today's sightings item in Page Six includes this exciting update about superproducer Brian Grazer's latest adventures in singledom, in which he entertained an unnamed companion at one of Malibu's finest restaurants:

A little earlier this afternoon, a representative from Imagine Entertainment was in touch to offer us an officially sanctioned photo to use in lieu of the one we'd be featuring alongside nearly every Brian Grazer-related item since September. We understand that this is town in which a premium is placed on individuals always looking their best, and so we're more than happy to share this more artfully lit and flattering photograph (suitable, of course, for framing and puckishly leaving behind in the homes of acquaintances) with our readers. We suggest that you take a moment to print it out to keep handy at your desk; we're the forgetful sort, and should Grazer's less favored, overly taut image somehow reappear on this site, you can easily retrieve the more aesthetically pleasing headshot from a desk draw and hold it over the offending section of your computer monitor.

Hoping to postpone Vatican-ordered multiplex burnings and mass excommunications until after The Da Vinci Code has raked in its opening weekend millions, Sony has eschewed the practice of pre-screening their inevitable blockbuster for influencers, choosing to give up any advance buzz based on the actual product until a critics' showing tonight and Wednesday's premiere at Cannes. But Sony and the producers at Imagine didn't always agree on this strategy, according to to the NY Times' Sharon Waxman:

· We are very, very afraid: Ron Howard and Brian Grazer's Imagine Entertainment is joining up with evil Fox reality TV presence Mike Darnell to produce X Quest, in which "ordinary folks" (i.e., struggling actors) are locked into incredibly expensive space simulators. The simulators will be so realistic (i.e. did we mention incredibly expensive?) that "every button, display and videoscreen actually serv[es] a purpose. Press the wrong button and bad things may happen." Example: 30-year old model/bartender Bryce mistakenly presses the "airlock release," and viewers in the 18-49 demo all over America immediately tune out. If the show doesn't debut to huge numbers, look for the network to cut costs by relocating the show to the Star Tours ride at Disneyland. [Variety]
·For Ridley Scott's next project, A Good Year, "Russell Crowe is going from the boxing ring to the vineyards of France," where he will proceed to hurl empty bottles at uppity wine-tasting stewards for their insolence. (Hey, when are we going to let that go? Answer: Not yet.) [THR]
· ABC commemorates the American lives lost in the World Trade Center attacks by shooting their 9/11 commission report miniseries in Toronto. [Variety]
· With audiences finally realizing that the bad dancers of So You Think You Can Dance weren't going to sing off-key. the show's ratings drop in its second week. [THR]
· Intensive focus-group testing discovers that 15-year-old boys love both comic books and vampires, prompting MTV Films to buy the film rights to the Dark Horse vampire comic Damn Nation. [Variety]

· The WB puts Michigan J. Frog in the blender, liberating itself from the tyranny of its kid-friendly mascot in an attempt to shed its perception as the place where viewers kill time while waiting for their pubes to sprout. To show how serious he was about killing the frog and separating from the past, WB head Garth Ancier even made a cutting-edge reference to one of the country's hottest news stories: "The frog was on life support for a long time and then we got permission from a federal court to removed the feeding tube." [Variety]
· The spectre of international terrorism drives international audiences into the comforting embrace of Fantastic Four, which continues to thrive at the overseas box office. [THR]
· What happens when the President gets caught with his pants down and the First Lady divorces him? The aggrieved first spouse gets to keep the White House! Other hilarity is sure to ensue (fingers crossed for a custody battle involving the Secretary of Defense) in The People's House, under the joint stewardship of Warner Bros. and Brian Grazer's Imagine. [Variety]
· Sony BMG is hit with $10 million in fines and agrees to stop paying radio stations to play their songs, but stands behind its continuing conspiratorial, devilish efforts to crush Michael Jackson's career. [THR]
· The trio of producers behind Wedding Crashers use their newfound clout to produce Happy Campers for New Line, which sounds like City Slickers, but with kids and camping instead of cowboy stuff. [Variety]

· Given that Imagine Entertainment has signed fauxteur Brett Ratner to direct a heist flick/buddy comedy with Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock, thus insuring that his extra-Rush Hour box office losing streak will be snapped, we are forced to conclude that Ratner has very, very incriminating photographs of Imagine's Ron Howard and Brian Grazer sexually humiliating prisoners at Guantanamo (i.e. hosting a screening of A Beautiful Mind), or some high-def video of the duo poisoning the water supply of half the San Fernando Valley. These are the only possible explanations for his hire. We're still trying to figure out what blackmail material Ratner found to land the X3 gig. [Variety]
· Bryan Singer screens Superman Returns footage at Comic-Con, hundreds of pairs of blue-and-red Underoos sufficiently creamed. [THR]
· Var calls Comic-Con a "big fat geek wedding." [Variety]
· Entourage gets a third season pick-up, and HBO head Chris Albrecht plans to hire more writers to squeeze out more than thirteen episodes a season. [THR]
· Former Fox TV head Gail Berman and OC creator Josh Schwartz reunite at The New Paramount, where Schwartz will attempt to channel his bankable facsimile of high school angst writing and directing a feature adaptation of the book Looking for Alaska. [Variety]

As The Slump deepens, theaters are trying desperation tactics (discounts, lame "all Smiths and Herbies get in free!" promotions, etc etc) to lure the public's indifferent heinies into their stadium seats. The WSJ reports that theater chain AMC is so exasperated with the underperformance of the once Oscar-baiting, now bonafide flop Cinderella Man that they're offering a refund to anyone who doesn't like the treacly cinematic stylings of Ron Howard:

· DVDs of TV shows did $2.8 million in sales in 2004; at least $2 billion of that came from viewers who don't realize that Friends and Seinfeld reruns play on free TV roughly fourteen times a day. [Variety]
· Casting directors overwhelmingly vote to join the Teamsters to give themselves extra leverage in their negotiations with movie and television producers. The funniest guy in each production office in Hollywood immediately begins telling the hilarious joke, "What did Jesus tell the newly-unionized casting director? Don't do anything until I get back." [THR]
· Vivaldi is the new poker: Indie production company Mechaniks puts a Vivaldi biopic into development, even though Columbia and Imagine have a similar project in their pipeline. [Variety]
· Hustle and Flow's writer/director Craig Brewer will reteam with H&F producing buddies John Singleton and Stephanie Allain and write/direct Black Snake Moan, the story of bluesman Blind Lemon Jefferson. Christina Ricci is already attached to the pic, with Samuel L. Jackson and—get ready for it—Justin Timberlake in talks to join. [THR]
· Carsey-Werner might be close to shuttering its television production studio, seriously imperiling our hopes for a That 70s Show/Cosby Show hybrid spin-off featuring Danny Masterson and Raven Simone. [Variety]

The NYT reports that the braintrust behind Cinderella Man met on Tuesday to try and make some sense of the movie's failure at the box office. (Of course, Russell Crowe's ill-timed bludgeoning of a hotel clerk didn't help, but wasn't seen as the deal-breaker.) Let the wringing of the hands, the gnashing of the teeth, and the wailing to a Creator who's cruelly indifferent to period boxing movies commence!

· Clive Owen is finalizing the details to star in Shoot-Em-Up for New Line, an "ultraviolent" flick with scenes that include "a shootout during a sex scene and another in the midst of a freefall." We don't want to fall prey to the hype machine, but this may turn out to be the greatest movie ever made. [Variety]
· Director James Cameron seems torn about which 3D project to pay attention to, reportedly moving his focus from next announced project Battle Angel to mysterious, "parallel" Project 880. Also, it's been a long time, so refresh our memory—is Cameron the Titanic guy or the Cutthroat Island guy? [THR]
· Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz chooses a showrunning deal for future AD seasons over a potentially more lucrative development deal, opting to be yanked around on a single, continuing project instead of a bunch of new ones. [Variety]
· Despite news specials exploring yesterday's Jackson-related Armageddon, Fox's Hell's Kitchen still pulls good ratings. [THR]
· War of the Worlds is premiering all over the world, where canny translators provided by the studio may be able to mitigate some of the damage Cruise may do on international red carpets. [Variety]

In what we hope will come to be a recurring feature, Defamer is proud to present the first installment of Inside the Throne Room, a penetrating look inside the water closets of Hollywood's hottest power players. Our opening offering spotlights what appears to be a guest bathroom from Brian Grazer's Pacific Palisades manse, snapped during the recent book release party for the wife of Imagine partner Ron Howard. Judging from this cameraphone shot (click it for a larger version), yes, it's a little small, but cozy enough in its muted tones that we can picture quixotic superproducer Grazer occasionally seeking refuge there from the opulence of his master bathroom; perhaps it's even the place where he gets the kind of thinking done that results in Russell Crowe having "real" imaginary friends in A Beautiful Mind, an inspired filmic shorthand that frustrated schizophrenia sufferers but carried the pic to multiple Oscar wins.

· The Agent Dance Mini: CAA agent Michael Wimer is getting ready to bolt to form a production company with Roland Emmerich at Columbia, where the two will attempt to make movies where lots of shit blows up; to maintain a proper agent-equilibrium, Endeavor's Spencer Baumgarten fills a spot a CAA. [Variety, Variety ]
· Ed Burns will write, direct, and star in The Groomsmen, and somehow wrangles a cast of Brittany Murphy, John Leguizamo, Matthew Lillard, Jay Mohr, Jessica Capshaw, and Donal Logue, an ensemble who clearly haven't seen Sidewalks of New York (and that includes Murphy, who was in the movie). [THR]
· NBC signs Fear Factor executive producer Matt Kunitz to a two-year development deal; Kunitz will spend the pact's duration trying to figure out even more ways for desperate actors and actresses to devour the genitalia of animals. [Variety]
· Sun rises, sun sets, American Idol crushes its competition in the ratings. How far can we be from an all-Idol, all-the-time Fox schedule? More importantly, when is America going to vote off the off-key singing fat guy who looks like a giant, scary baby? [THR]
· Superhero villains Ian "Magneto" McKellan and Alfred "Doctor Octopus" Molina score roles in The Da
Vinci Code adaptation, which is apparently undergoing a slow transformation into a comic-book movie. [Variety]