Skanky (but well-educated!) identity thieves Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton, arrested last week for stealing the identities of their Philadelphia neighbors, do not lack for balls. After being booked, the two went home to the condo—and the neighbors they robbed—to hang out until it was time to get re-arrested on additional charges. Kirsch's parents are both plastic surgeons—and guess what Daddy bought his college kid for Christmas a few years back? Implants, naturally! This year, the two would prefer a deal from the D.A., pretty please.

A young Philadelphia couple, recent graduates of UPenn and Drexel, have been arrested for a serious identity theft spree. Working copies of many of their neighbors' keys were found in their apartment, along with passports, cash, credit cards and forgery paraphernalia. Police are characterizing the two as "the Bonnie and Clyde of identity theft," which seems a bit classier than they deserve. What kind of plunder did they piddle away their expensive educations for? Ikea furniture and $1,700 hair extensions. If you're going to go to jail for forty years, aim a little higher: Wal-Mart's got some seriously choice futons.

The LES has lost another vital neighborhood institution with the shuttering of Tattoo Heaven Smoke Shop, a fake ID front and tattoo parlor that was shut down by the cops. What! This will surely rock the worlds of the Virtual Lower East Side!