Are you the type of consumer who just waltzes into a store, carefree as you please, and picks up a jug of laundry detergent after a cursory glance at superficial factors like "price" and "it is laundry detergent?" I pity you. More specifically, I pity your clothes. And most importantly, I pity anyone who decides to run an ultraviolet detector over your clothes to see just how disgusting you really are.

We're in the midst of a higher education bubble: expensive degrees of questionable value are nonetheless pursued by a limitless hordes of aspirants. What a hustle. You're so happy to get in, you don't care that your class is online.

This is the greatest moment in corporate branding since the Pepsi logo was revealed to be the entire universe. [PostSecret]

Listen up, Mary Rambin and all other poor suckers who believe that magical herbal detoxes, fasts, or colonics will somehow "cleanse" your system of "toxins": they don't, okay. So stop buying them. Jesus.