Sandy is here, and like many of you, we have no idea what that means in scientific terms. All we know is that it's windy and rainy and we just blew all of our money on batteries and booze, so this better be real.
Peter Doocy, a "Fox News General Assignment reporter" and son of the notable Fox and Friends personality Steve Doocy, brings us the first reporter wipeout related to Hurricane Sandy. Was this wipeout attributable to 45 mph winds or severe flooding? No, unfortunately. Poor Peter Doocy stepped off the dock and got his foot stuck in wet sand. We're all expecting a little better effort next time.
As many on the East Coast prepare for whatever wreck and ruin Sandy has in store, wouldn't it be nice to know that the government too is preparing to provide relief to those most affected by the aftermath? Which is why it might be useful to know that under Romney/Ryan, the answer to that question would be "absolutely" nothing.
Hurricane Sandy may have been hundreds of miles away from Midtown Manhattan yesterday morning, but thousands of comedy fans were already walking around with a cloud over their heads.
Were you thinking about not taking Hurricane Sandy seriously? Do you not find Bloomberg's warnings adequately stimulating? Are you treating Frankenstorm as an excuse to just get drunk and play hooky from work? Well, if so, the National Weather Service in Mt. Holly, New Jersey wants you to know that THE STORM IS NO JOKE AND WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES AND THINK OF THE CHILDREN etc. From their press release this afternoon:
Apocalyptic Snor'eastercane Sandy is upon the Northeast: flights are cancelled, school is closed, public transportation is shut down, and the supermarket is out of batteries and good soups. Here's a map of Sandy's projected path; New Yorkers, if you're wondering whether or not you live in an evacuation zone, here's a map. We recommend you read the following pieces (and write it all down on a piece of paper in case the power goes out).
Here is the latest majestic photo of Hurricane Sandy courtesy of NASA, which is bordering on a snuff film company. Sandy is now the largest tropical cyclone on record at 520 nautical miles.
Hurricane Sandy is currently enjoying a nice leisurely Sunday off the coast of South Carolina as she prepares for her jaunt up the coast en route to the finest cities the East Coast has to offer (and, yes, I mean Atlantic City). Current projections show that Sandy should be touching down in South Jersey around 2 a.m. Tuesday morning — she is expected to cross the state into Pennsylvania before heading north through western New York into Canada, where she will presumably stay if Mitt Romney has defeated Barack Obama.
NASA has released time-lapse footage of Hurricane Sandy — 1/3 of Frankenstorm, this week's hottest buzz band — as it hovered over Grand Bahama Island on Friday. The footage confirms a few things that we already know: hurricanes are terrifying, beautiful and will likely leave you without power for days, forcing you to contemplate reading a book.
The likelihood that the East Coast will be clobbered by Frankenstorm (more correctly: Frankenstorm's Monster), perhaps starting as early as Sunday is 90% as of yesterday. Most people here have resigned themselves to the fact that they and their loved ones soon will be washed out to sea, and just as Apple was beginning to experiment with new, excitingly-sized products (bummer).
If you haven't already started preparing for the historically terrible storm that is preparing to pummel the Northeast just in time for Halloween, you are way, way, way behind and it's precisely this lack of foresight and planning that will ultimately cost you your life when the storm touches down next week.
