Won't anyone tell us anything interesting about Obama's two picnics with the commentariat? No, because no one fun was invited.

Waverly Inn chef John DeLucie, who just got back from explaining magabrands at the American Magazine Conference in Boca, has sold a memoir called The Hunger. As per Publishers Marketplace, Endeavor sold it to Ecco, and it'll be "a la Anthony Bourdain's 'Kitchen Confidential.'" We're sure it will be! We can't wait for the part where his boss Graydon Carter pees in the $55 mac and cheese of nemesis Donald Trump. (We hope DeLucie didn't pee in Ivanka Trump's, when she ate at Waverly on Monday with boyfriend Jared Kushner and publicist Steven Rubenstein!) [NYM]

Here's HuffPo's Rachel Sklar on making friends down in Boca at the American Magazine Conference: "We're pleased as punch to report that [Portfolio blogger] Jeff [Bercovici] was enthused about the notion of cross-posting from Portfolio to HuffPo, saying that he was always happy to increase his traffic. Well, now, see Jeff? Compensation comes in many forms, and rich indeed are those who blog within our warm, happy embrace. Arianna was happy to give Jeff a mini-scoop which may or may not be showing up on his blog soon (free content for Jeff!)...." [HuffPo]

Last week, Josh Gerstein explained how the information control freaks at the National Security Agency conducted secret "seminars" for reporters—basically, little classes on how and when the government would like them to keep their mouths shut about top-secret and not-so-secret information. What's funny is that no one seems to remember the sessions, which went down at NSA headquarters between 2002 and 2004. Maureen Baginski, who was listed as a presenter at the seminars, said she had no recollection of being present. Why would she? She was only the FBI's "intelligence czar" back in 2004, before she left to work for SPARTA, an employee-owned defense contractor of utmost secret-government-like creepiness. Likewise? Not a single reporter has yet come forward to claim attendance.

"The ponies abandoned by British children and sent to France as horse meat" [Daily Mail (U.K.)]

Page Six honcho Richard Johnson just called into Howard Stern's Sirius radio show. Apparently Howard is miffed because Page Six has been writing bad items about him. Um, as far as Howard recalls, there was something about Howard getting cold feet on his wedding, something about him wearing dentures (which actually turned out to be his anti-bruxism nightguard), and an item about some crazy cab driver who says he has Howard Stern porn? Eesh. Howard says they're "all lies." So Richard Johnson says he has no agenda against Howard. And Howard says, so let's print some real items! And Richard's all, great, gimme some! Aww. That is so sweet.

Are you on pretty and somewhat plastically-reconstructed Times reporter Alex Kuczynski's email list? If you are, you'd better get cracking, because she has some columns coming up over there and she's got absolutely nothing. Her plea includes this priceless bit: "Next subject: Art! Any thoughts on art would be greatly appreciated." P.S. Later today we are writing some posts about things! Any of your thoughts on "things" would be totally appreciated!

FSG just bought a memoir—actually, a "self-portrait"!—by John Waters. That is great, we cannot wait to read it. The purchasing editor was Jonathan Galassi. The selling agent was Bill Clegg from William Morris Agency. You know what else is funny? A while back, we floated this crazy rumor that Clegg and Galassi had become lovers, after Clegg returned from falling off the face of the earth, and after Jonathan had, we presume, done something with his wife! After we ran that item, we had a couple reactions. One: an email saying we were "ruining people's lives"! Aren't we. And then we ran into a literary pal, who told us that, uh, that was no rumor, it was totally true. And that we should have seen the FSG offices after that item went up, you could have heard a pin drop. Mmm, awkward office moments! But what do we know? At the very least, their business relationship is working out nicely. [PW]

You're shocked, right? Behold, the magic of tabloid weekly Photoshop!

You may not know it, but press-averse Oscar winner Angelina Jolie is a huge fan of quirky literary quarterlies. While some say she developed her interest in the scene during what we assume was her brief affair with n+1's Marco Roth, it's obvious that she's not beholden to any one particular title. Clearly having heard of the financial drain recently incurred by McSweeney's, the talented thespian took to the streets of Manhattan yesterday with a copy of Dave Eggers' What Is The What? as a show of solidarity. Possibly she also agreed to exchange her lifetime subscription for a pack of playing cards. Celebrities: They're just like a couple of doofuses in Williamsburg! [Ed. Note: Yes, that is a picture of Balk's computer looking at the photo of Angelina Jolie carrying the Dave Eggers book that we were not going to pay $500 to buy. It's a nice picture though! Log into the fine website Splash News and go see!]

Landlord and handbag designer Sharif El Fouley is suing the New York City Board of Education for nonpayment of rent on a building he owns in Astoria. Despite how dull that is, Fox 5 really wanted to land an interview with El Fouley for a segment on last night's news. Funnily enough, the "investigative" reporter on the segment, Mary Garofalo, mistakenly sent an email meant for El Fouley to someone else. It said: "Hi Sharif- Please feel free to call me after my story tonight. I absolutely love it. Your hand bag company gets a plug too!" Well there's your Murdochian investigative journalism at work.

New York magazine's fashion-on-the-street feature, the Look Book, set up shop around the corner from our office today. Who was Amy Larocca, the arbiter of taste, destroyer of men and maker of heroes? We wanted to know. Finding her was easy. The Look Book Squad had set up a massive white backdrop on the corner. Like a spider awaiting its prey, Larocca lurked nearby for sartorial ridiculants. But like a sunglassed snow leopard, she proved elusive, sliding out of the camera's field of vision. After minutes of being nice (the longest I've ever gone), she agreed to be interviewed. Why? She's got a book to plug! It's coming out on Sept. 3!

My Name Is Earl's Jaime Pressley Has a Son [People]

Publicist Steven Rubenstein had a good idea. People had been saying for weeks that New York mag's Vanessa Grigoriadis was assigned to write a profile of New York Observer owner Jared Kushner, one of his favorite clients. Everyone figured that she'd tear that place apart and rip Jared up bad like he was just another Paris Hilton. So Rubenstein wasn't going to let her anywhere near young Jared. But still, the redesign of the Observer into a tabloid was a great occasion for some good press! And so, a month ago, he co-opted the usual closing-night staff drinks and made it into a party, and invited a reporter and a photographer from the New York Times. A night out with!