Lord Nelson, a horse who was also a Rutgers professor and a former cop, died Sunday. He was 42.

On Sunday morning, one of New York's carriage horses escaped from its reins and went for a leisurely stroll up Eleventh Avenue. Look at the horse, gaily trotting along, and you'd hardly know the police were in hot pursuit.

Yesterday, we brought you the story of Sean Johnson, a 19-year-old Floridian who was caught taking a stuffed horse off of a shelf at Walmart, masturbating with it in the bedding department, then returning it, covered in semen, to the shelf. Today, police released a photo of his equine paramour.

Early this morning, a tiny-ass British horse strode into the Cheshire Police headquarters in the Winsford, UK. The security guard stationed at the front desk—quite rudely, really—hopped out of his seat, attempting to shoo the guy away, but the horse was undeterred.

[A Palestinian man rides a horse on a Gaza beach Saturday evening as the sun sets in Gaza City. Image by Hatem Moussa via AP]

After being denied service by a drive-thru employee, one McDonald's customer who attempted to place an order while on horseback decided to try her luck inside the restaurant.

In times of fear and anxiety, of uncertainty and danger, when the winds are howling and the sky is crashing down — where do you turn? You turn to the shirtless guy in the horse mask jogging in the background of NBC's live coverage of Frankenstorm Sandy in Washington, D.C.

Mitt Romney didn't watch his wife's horse Rafalca compete in the Olympics — "I'm not even sure which day the sport goes on," he said to NBC last week. "I will not be watching the event. I hope her horse does well." —so it falls to us to break the news to him: Mitt, the horse participated in dressage today. And it did well, but it didn't medal.

Georgina Bloomberg, the daughter of New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg, fell from her horse while riding in a tournament and suffered a concussion and fractured spine. She was unconscious immediately after the fall, but walked away under her own power.

Stop the presses—Andy Rooney's finally found something that he doesn't hate! During yesterday's 60 Minutes, Rooney revealed that he'd recently seen Secretariat. Further, Rooney enjoyed the film (though not as much as seeing the horse in person).

A recent New Jersey horse race included competitors named Lady Mutada, Little Miss Macho, My Wife Knows Everything, and My Wife Doesn't Know. With that in mind, it's obvious that the announcer's commentary made for hilariously inadvertent comedy. Video inside.

Police are saying that a third-grader was caught giving out over 60 baggies of heroin, stamped with the words "trust me," to classmates. Come on—don't all kids go through a horse phase? [AP]

The words "spine-crushing" and "welcome to your new life in a wheelchair" come to mind.

A reader sends us this rather unfortunate arrangement of posters from the 28th Street #1 train subway stop. Well, I think SJP's sexy. I just can't stand that show of hers. [via Phasezero]