When iPods first came out, you obviously had to replace the headphones so no one would think you were showing off that you had an iPod. But then everyone started doing that, so you went back to the white headphones to prove that you couldn't give a fuck if people knew what kind of mp3 player you had. Plus, you weren't going to get caught in the consumer cycle of buying unnecessary goods to validate your uniqueness. But now people are starting to catch on to that, so the only way out is to buy this new colossal mp3 player for $21.99. With 256 mb and a stunning quartz crystal display, it says, "I care about the music, not my image." [via The Triumph of Bullshit]

While you were wondering when Eliot Spitzer would resign last Tuesday night, Gawker videographer Alex Goldberg attended two parties, where he captured intoxicated flocks of hipsters in their natural elements: dancing, in Batman sweatshirts and fanny-packs, at Beauty Bar and Happy Endings. Star tattoos! Old-timey hats! Old-timey facial hair! The goddamn robot! All the reasons the terrorists hate us and some they haven't yet thought of are in the attached clip.

Yesterday, a confused reader asked us how to tell the difference between a hipster and a gay: "hipsterdom has permanently destroyed my gaydar." You, the people, responded. We've compiled the lessons learned in a handy guide.

Come one, come all to Hipster Mortgage Night! "Two-thirds of the Home Buying for Hipsters team is setting up shop for the evening at a foxy local watering hole, ready to help you figure out what you can afford and what your money will buy you!" Ominously, real estate juggernaut Corcoran Group is involved &mdash we're guessing this event is for rich hipsters. (What mortgage crisis?) But wait &mdash they have a Myspace page! We'll give you the lowdown on this event. Hint: get off at the Bedford L...

Can we help this young man? "Dear Gawker, It has come to my attention that hipsterdom has permanently destroyed my gaydar. 'Hipster or homeless' is pretty easy to figure out (most of the time) but figuring out hipster vs. homo-hipster seems to have become impossible..."

What with all those new condos and shit going up in Williamsburg, a bunch of rich Manhattanites will have to be persuaded to cross the river to Brooklyn one way or another. So how about this: Williamsburg is edgy, so we will name our new luxury condominium the "Edge." Further, Williamsburg is gritty, so we will acknowledge that harsh fact in our advertising; but we will contrast it with the glamour which also resides in Williamsburg [Copyranter]. The neighborhood is quite the enigma! Weird, cause the Williamsburg I know is just full of people who remind you of yourself, if you were more annoying. That, and hipster dog parades.

Maybe you thought you were going to Parsons design school to take pictures like Annie Leibovitz or make paintings like Jackson Pollock or whatever, but the joke is on you, hipster, because when you get there and settle in to your first class all of a sudden everyone will be talking about making internet sex tapes or maybe their fake 90-day suicide plan or titillating their way to cable news punditry, and it will be all be part of the curriculum. In a crumbling America that can't actually make anything except narcissistic "reality" entertainment, Parsons has taken the ingenious step of launching a class where grades are determined by internet fame. Professor Jamie Wilkinson even created proprietary software to track attention by monitoring not just traffic but also Twitter and blog posts, response videos and friend requests (our boss is already salivating). When does Julia Allison get to move into her new Parsons wing and endowed chair? Aspiring Web hottie Sarah Meyers's video about the horrifying future of education, after the jump.

Recently, we noticed that during the latest Williamsburg crime spree, Apple products getting stolen left and right. A tipster even told us that somebody stole her iPod and Apple computer, but declined to steal her roommate's Dell! Now we now that the "iCrime Wave" is real—because an academic journal says so!

"True story. My apartment in 'prime Williamsburg' was broken into. The thieves searched out my [Apple] iPod and [Mac] PowerBook, but the didn't touch my roommate's Dell that was sitting out in plain sight on our kitchen table. PS: A kitchen table - suck it Manhattan." [via email] (Photo: Everystockphoto)

There's been a spate of robberies in the post-collegiate hipster paradise neighborhood of Williamsburg, reports the Brooklyn Paper. We noticed that much of the stolen booty was Apple-related, and graphed it out for further analysis. Out of all computers stolen, 78% were Macs. Click on the thumbnail to see our pie chart!

Heartbreaking news out of Brooklyn: Williamsburg has changed. It seems the HIP young hipster area is "no longer a neighborhood, but a destination for debauchery." And the L train to Bedford Avenue—it's no longer a seedy underground passage to hipsterdom. Now it's just a gateway to formerly desolate streets "packed with giggling outer-borough and outer-island 20- and 30-somethings on a night out." [NY Observer] Crap! When did this happen?!?

Last week, we introduced you to Max Gogarty, the son of freelance travel writer Paul Gogarty, who has written for the Guardian. Max has been granted a forum to travelblog his way through Asia for the Guardian. How marvelous! His rather clueless and privileged first post prompted such class rage from commenters that the Guardian chose to shut commenting down. And Max won't be blogging any more, adds his Dad (in the comments). Now the Guardian is bemoaning this saga of "backpackers, bullies, and internet myths." Hey, did you know? "The recent pillorying of 19-year-old Max Gogarty shows that, without tolerance, there is only mob rule online," reminiscent of "China's Cultural Revolution."

Nineteen-year-old Max Gogarty (who just so happens to be the son of former Guardian travel writer Paul Gogarty) is free, white, and preparing to travelblog his way through Asia. Young Max is from London, in his gap year, and "spends his money on food, booze and skinny jeans, writes for Skins in his spare time. He's off to India and Thailand to have a good time, and you can join him in his weekly blog." Let's take a look at the single blogpost that prompted such furious commenter reactions that the Guardian actually closed the comments section.

At the end of the night, when the lights came back on, my coat, that had my passport that I need to go to Berlin, my wallet full of maxed-out credit cards I'm trying to pay off, my video recorder, full of a bunch of footage I still need to import, was not in the coat area. ...My friend Josh told me that of the dozens of parties he's had at his loft, this has never happened.

OK, so you live in Brooklyn now, and everybody's always going on about the way things "used to be," way back in the 1990s. Oh my God, it was so bad, so desolate, yet so… raw and cool. OK, we get it! It was way better back then because you had a higher chance of being jumped on your way home from the local Puerto Rican coke bar, Kokie's. According to Vice, Kokie's was the epicenter of pre-gentrification Williamsburg, right on that precious cusp: after the first white settlers began to move in, but before the first boutique. Word. Just how crazy was it?

Calling all BabyBjorn-sporting Brooklyn hipster parents! The New York Times is seeking undecided Democrat parents for an upcoming web video. They'd really prefer you be a member of Park Slope Moms (or whatever) and also be one of those types who jabbers on about politics with your pals. Gosh, how ever will they find such people?

248 McKibbin, the almost certainly filthy hipster-warehouse living space that was once infested with bedbugs and also fought the police, posted a Myspace rant against their neighbors, 255 McKibbin, chiefly concerning the quality of their parties. An exerpt from "RANT: Big parties at 255 McKibbin" follows.

Whenever a remix of that "Y'all ready for this?" song from Jock Jams comes on, this guy turns into a big flaming purple and green Hulk who derives his strength from Swimclass Floaties and absolutely SMASHES the dance floor.

Miracle on Bedford Ave [MySpace]

Blue States Lose is a much-needed weekly investigation into the trends and mores of the young. Going where the cool-hunters are too afeared to tread, via the party pictures on Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, and Nicky Digital, our pal Alex Blagg teaches us about what the young have become while we were busy doing nothing.