"It's impossible to imagine The Terminator, as a former aide calls her, giving up," Dowd writes. "Unless every circuit is out, she'll regenerate enough to claw her way out of the grave, crawl through the Rezko Memorial Lawn and up Obama's wall, hurl her torso into the house and brutally haunt his dreams." The "Hillerator" image was created by Gawker's Richard Blakeley, who notes, "Yes, I'm that bored today and no it didn't take me THAT long." [NYT]

• It's been so long since actress Winona Ryder stole anything that she's not up on the latest anti-theft technology. A drug store employee said she tried to steal makeup, via her purse, and was caught by the stupid door alarm thing and made to give it back. Wait, people actually stop for those alarms? I am always just waved through. But then my photo isn't taped up in every retail establishment in Los Angeles. [Daily Mail]

"Reporter John Goodall, who was assigned to the story, spoke by telephone with Hillary Wicai Viers, who is a communications director in U.S. Rep. Charlie Wilson's staff. According to the reporter, when Viers answered the phone with 'This is Hillary,' he believed he was speaking with the Democratic presidential candidate, who had made several previous visits to the Mahoning Valley. The quotes from Viers were incorrectly attributed to Clinton." [Tribune Chronicle]

ABC News' Investigative Unit has very important BREAKING news about how so-called change agent Hillary Clinton is such a part of the Washington establishment that she actually slept in the White House on the night her husband got a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky 11 years ago. She was in the same building within hours of the dress-staining hijinks and yet claimed she knew nothing, probably because she is a lying monster. Also! She may have even been in the building in the early evening WHILE her husband was having a happy hour with his intern. ABC is not really sure since documents only indicate Hillary stayed "overnight" and that she had three events on her schedule she may or may not have attended. But you can connect the dots for yourself. [ABC News]

Here is what we are almost positive is a ridiculous jokey parody of an ad agency that's been floating around the web, although you never know in these crazy times of foam-filled Miami streets and hypnotizing games for children. The brilliant idea—which will surely become reality in only a matter of time—is political product placement in phone sex scripts [Sunday/Knight Productions]. In the purported audition video below, they subtly sell Hillary Clinton's candidacy with profanity, racial insensitivity, and the slogan, "Experience C(o)unts!" Seeing is agreeing:

Hillary Clinton first met Heather Mills, the now-former Mrs. Paul McCartney, on September 10, 2001. The day before the world changed! Except some things never change, like how much Hillary Clinton loves Heather Mills, a woman who changed the world by marrying a Beatle, and only having one leg, and posing for dirty pictures in the '80s. Also she fights land mines. Hillary Clinton apparently had four minutes to kill? We've yet to hear a suitable explanation for this video. But it's after the jump!

Ousted Obama aide Samantha Power will appear on the Colbert Report tonight. Just one piece of advice: there's no such thing as off the record, on tv. [FishbowlNY]

This is just going to lead to so, so many regrettable "bitch" jokes, isn't it.

Peter Daou, the respected political blogger originally behind Salon's Daou Report, online guru for the Kerry/Edwards campaign, and now internet director for Hillary Clinton, has reached the phase of the campaign where you cannot for the life of you figure out how anyone could believe a word your opponent says, even when it is basically the same thing your candidate is saying. This is called living in "the bubble," after the popular television show The Prisoner. Daou wrote an open letter to liberal bloggers this weekend asking them to please point out that Barack Obama has been very mean to Hillary Clinton, even though Obama says he hasn't been. It's totally unfair because everyone thinks Hillary is mean to Barack all the time, what with her calling him inexperienced and saying McCain would make a better candidate, but the fact is, Daou asserts, Barack Obama's campaign has called Hillary "divisive" and "calculating" and "polarizing." Also they altered photos of her to make her look even more woman-y. (J/k!) Daou's full memo (which is quite reasonable while also liberally employing that uncomfortable tone of abject defensiveness that most of Ms. Clinton's surrogates can't help but share these days), after the jump.

First Hillary wanted more debates. She felt that the America public needed to hear her and Barack Obama delineate their subtle differences as many times as possible. She even ran an attack ad on Obama (after the jump) for only wanting to have 18 debates. With the North Carolina and Pennsylvania primaries coming up, you'd think Hillary would maintain her commitment to public pontification. But you'd be wrong, because she might back out of the debate scheduled for April 19 in North Carolina—hosted by Katie Couric, which would be her first time hosting. Clinton's claim: it's the first day of Passover, and no arguing can be had during the festival of the Unleavened bread. And she's Jewish now, apparently.

Historic moment alert: The cover of the April issue of Vogue has a black man on it. Yes, not a white man or a black woman. We've seen that before, if infrequently. You know who else is a black man? Barack Obama. Hillary Clinton is a woman. And the only thing Vogue hates more than t-shirts that change color with heat is other women. I think I've proved my point. [via Fashionologie]

The creative team at Coudal, like every design firm everywhere, support Obama. They made five little videos parodying "The Logic of Hillary '08." They have pleasant acoustic guitar behind them, so they must be a fair satire. Below, a parable about Clinton's campaigns in Florida and Michigan.

Robert De Niro is just like us—he has problems with his health care provider! De Niro won his case against the Fireman's Fund Insurance, which had sued the actor, alleging that he had withheld information about his medical condition. Fireman's Fund had to cover costs when a prostate cancer scare delayed filming for the De Niro vehicle Hide and Seek blah blah blah. But why is Robert De Niro, a very famous actor, having these middle class problems with his regular-people insurance company? There's no national health care. Our veterans are sleeping under bridges and our respected actors are getting turned away by insurance companies! Hillary Clinton has promised universal health care within her first term, but "Hollywood" Robert De Niro has endorsed Obama. Like so many Americans, he doesn't realize that Hillary Clinton should be on the line when terror calls to deny you coverage due to a prior existing medical condition. [Deadline Hollywood]

The fact that Hillary Clinton's promised presidency did not arrive signed, sealed, and delivered by winged courier, and that her triumphant march back to her rightful home in the White House has been sidetracked, is apparently Eliot Spitzer's fault. Because Hillary "tripped up" in her response to a question about Spitzer's plan to give licenses to illegal immigrants. "Her advisers pinpoint that inartful two-minute answer as the moment when the race turned." Obviously! That one bad answer about the actions of a supporter back in October is clearly the source from which all of her subsequent problems have flowed. Also then Spitzer fucked some whores, for ten years. [WP]

Mississippi votes tonight. They will probably go for Obama. Basically all that matters, though, is Pennsylvania, on April 22, and to a lesser extent North Carolina, in early May. Clinton will probably win Pennsylvania. Obama will probably with North Carolina. If Hillary wins North Carolina too, though, Barack is in deep shit. If she doesn't, the convention (August 25) will be 1968-style madness. If Michigan and Florida get a do-over, Obama should probably rethink his "I won't be your vice president" stance. Florida Governor Charlie Crist—a possible McCain running mate—would like a do-over, which should tell you how McCain thinks his chances are against Hillary. The Democrats will probably end up with some compromise that will upset everyone. Also, the governor of New York slept with a prostitute.

Dear Silda Wall Spitzer,

So. Today was awkward, huh? Your husband of 20 years cheated on you with a prostitute. A high class prostitute, sure, but still someone he paid money to for sex. And for a woman like you, a Harvard trained lawyer who never wanted to be a political wife anyway, standing silently by while your husband sort of apologized for cheating must have taken everything you had. We want you to know, it's okay to be mad.

We realize that former mag queen Tina Brown is still a "name" and Hillary Clinton's last week was a compelling story (resembling though it did so many of her previous weeks) but isn't there a wee bit of favoritism involved in a newsweekly running a front page story on a presidential candidate written by a woman who needs that candidate to become president in order for her forthcoming book to actually sell? [Newsweek]

Former New Yorker editor Tina Brown may be projecting just a bit in her Newsweek dispatch from the Hillary Clinton campaign. A Clinton campaigner in Ohio told Brown that there had been an "outpouring" of female support for the Democratic presidential candidate because of how "she was being treated by the media... we saw this as an attack of misogyny that was trying to beat her down." Brown, 55, then took this quote and extrapolated it into an argument about how women over 50 in America today are invisible, just like blacks in America 60 years ago:

Hillary Clinton tried to scare us all with that "Ohmigod this here red phone is ringing in the White House at 3AM with some crisis and do you really want some young black man answering it?" ad. It failed. In the end, she couldn't even convince the little girl in the ad to vote for her—that girl, Casey Knowles, is now 17 and an Obama supporter. We don't know what's creepier: That a presidential campaign can just take decade-old stock footage of a child and use it in a national ad, to her surprise; or that ABC News refers to Casey Knowles as "3 A.M. Girl." That's just creepy [ABC]. After the jump, our current favorite remix of the Hillary ad—now with increased accuracy!

Hillary Clinton's making a comeback! But not! Because trend lines are never wrong, this graph proves why Barack Obama does better every time Clinton wins a state primary.