Hollywood marketing departments aren't that creative, so how else to sell an ensemble pic? With a bunch of smiling stars smooshed on a poster, especially in a cute shape. The only one who appears on all three? Bradley Cooper!

You'd think so, if you paid attention to the crusty old American Medical Association, which is hopping mad that the dopey ladysad film prominently and frequently featured brand-name cigarettes. Though, none were ever smoked.

Not yet recovered from M.I.A.'s 9-months-pregnant body dressed to resemble a Minnie Mouse head? Coldplay in colorful, matching melody-pirate outfits? You have a Grammy hangover. Take some box office numbers and go back to bed:

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your guide to everything new, noteworthy and neither here nor there at the movies. This week: America's Into You, Oscar shorts go to war, and Push comes to shove.

Before you get upset, let me clarify. I mean ugly people. People who like to imagine that the (unending!!!!!) struggle between members of the opposite sex (the gay people are just cute little helpers in this movie's world, like forks and spoons from Beauty and the Beast) is quantifiable and universal. Here's a hint: it's not! And even the doggishly handsome Justin Long can't boil the whole gurgling circus down to a safe little o.b. size. So why are you spending money on the stupid movie, an act which tangentially involves giving Greg Behrendt money. You don't want to do that.

Not that we would ever imply that you won't be taught everything you need to know about the mysteries of dating by the He's Just Not That Into You movie (even though it made the Observer's Sara Vilkomerson "not want to be a member of the entire human race"), but a new study has shown that a woman should indeed play hard to get unless she wants to end up a lonely spinster, cursing the day she decided not to buy a copy of The Rules.

During its years on the studio shelf, He's Just Not That Into You came to symbolize New Line's burgeoning reputation as the place best romcom intentions go to die. Not so fast, haters!

If Scarlett Johansson's used Kleenex could pull in over five grand, how will her phlegmatic cover of a Jeff Buckley song fare?

When she's not dancing through her Malibu mansion belting "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On it)" into her hairbrush, Jennifer Aniston likes to curl up with a good book and a bad singer and watch a little TV (Stars! They're just like us — well, not us us, because we've got a cobwebbed DVR list that still includes episodes of this exciting new show called "Presidential Debates" that we have yet to finish. Don't spoil us!). During her sojourn on the sofa, Aniston has rediscovered all twenty-eight seasons of her hit tee-vee show Friends, an exciting development that her actual friends are quick to poop all over:

· Just weeks before he catapulted himself into the celebrity gossip stratosphere as America's Next Top Porn Star, we were fortunate enough to snag a few precious seconds with Verne Troyer on the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards. We broke into the Defamer Time Capsule — hint: it's buried somewhere in the grassy knoll between Craft and the Death Star — to unearth this clip that showcases both Molls and myself being temporarily rendered speechless when we realized we were in the presence of the world's most famous little person (yes, and that includes Matt Roloff).
· Still thirsty for more deets on the Mini-Me sex tape? Well, here's another mystery solved. The young frenchee in question is none other than 22-year-old Ranae Shrider, an aspiring model from Kentucky. Welcome to the jungle, baby. [TMZ]
· Just in time for Wall-E to hit theaters, those loveable scamps over at Radar have put together a list of cinema's gayest robots. [Radar]
· Looking for the silver lining in the news that the Jennifer Aniston rom-com He's Just Not That Into You has has been pushed back until February 2009? Now there's plenty of time to get Jennifer Connelly involved in that planned Marie Claire cover shoot. Also? More competition for Valkyrie! [US Magazine]
· "I am single, I have no problem meeting women. Women approach me 6, 7 times a day." After listening to this hilariously pathetic voicemail, we think we may have stumbled onto the perfect castmember for Season Two of Vh1's The Pickup Artist. If anyone can help this guy, it's Mystery. [The Sherman Foundation]

Naturally we're delighted to see Jennifer Aniston's name in the news without any mention of her lesser half John Mayer, but unfortunately the actress' latest stunt does not include bikinis, Brad, or boy toy upgrades. In case you'd forgotten, the flower-scented B.O. phenom that is SATC: The Movie is being closely followed by another chick flick packed with A-Listers called He's Just Not That Into You. Aniston rounds out the female cast alongside Drew Barrymore, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly and Scarlett Johansson. But according to Life & Style, Aniston took the very low road at a recent cover shoot for Marie Claire, insisting one of the ladies above be banned from the photo, making room for Aniston's widely seen curves to take front and center. Which co-star was allegedly instructed to leave the set, and whether or not Aniston's orders mean anything these days, after the jump.