If you're famous, and you want to do cocaine (or smoke crack), our best advice is: don't do it, because you're a role model. Ha ha. But seriously, hopeless crackhead celebrities; if you're going to do it at least don't be an idiot. Coke is hardly even frowned upon in Hollywood, but getting busted while acting like a maniac can seriously impair your image and earning ability in middle America. So learn from your more unfortunate peers' mistakes; after the jump, five cases of cocaine-fuelled idiocy, and how not to reproduce them.

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan was the doughy, ill-informed punching bag the press needed after a couple years of smarmy wise-ass Ari Fleisher. But now he's getting his revenge, as all big dumb doughy dudes must after they realize their "friends" just pretended to like them. He wrote a book. It's called What Happened, and it's about how everyone in the White House was a stupid idiot, especially President Bush, who is so stupid that he just convinces himself of bullshit so he doesn't technically have to lie. "The media won't let go of these ridiculous cocaine rumors," McClellan heard Bush say in 1999. "You know, the truth is I honestly don't remember whether I tried it or not. We had some pretty wild parties back in the day, and I just don't remember." Ha! So maybe he tried cocaine, but if so he was already mid-blackout and who can recall between all the homosexual encounters, animal sacrifices to pagan gods, and stripper-raping that they were doing! After the jump, Karl Rove complaining about how Scott McCellan sounds like a raving DailyKos liberal. Just because Karl Rove misled him regarding the Plame affair, leading McClellan to blatantly lie to the press, destroying his credibility and career!