We thought going from number-one on Charlie Sheen's speed dial to laundromat owner was bad, but Heidi Fleiss redefined the word by getting herself arrested in Nevada today. Never one to shy away from excess, the former madam had not one but two controlled substances in her possession when the cops pulled her over. But far more disturbing than the arrest is the current state of Heidi's face, on full display in her booking photo. We'd noticed she'd slipped well into the Awful Plastic Surgery archives a few years ago, but we hope the officers send her to a surgery addiction shrink instead of jail; there's enough lip on Fleiss to award at least three other inmates with brand new collagen treatments. [TMZ]

If you've filled out all the required paperwork, enclosed a stack of Polaroids featuring your naked self in a variety of seductive poses, and still not heard back from Heidi Fleiss's Stud Farm, don't fret—you still may be in the running towards becoming Nevada's next top male prostitute. The man-wrangling madame's business plan is simply stuck in a holding pattern until she manages to work out all the kinks, reports the NY Times:

Hollywood fleshpeddler Heidi Fleiss's long-gestating Stud Farm project—a gender-reversed counterpart to Nevada's Chicken and Bunny Ranches that will offer a wide menu of U.S. Grade-A certified he-steak to a man-famished female clientele—is currently fielding applications from sexually potent candidates eager to be included among its stud stable. From heidistudfarm.com:

With the highly lucrative days of (allegedly!) supplying Charlie Sheen with enough trannie valets to keep his fleet of luxury automobiles erotically parallel parked at all times long behind her, erstwhile whoremonger-to-the-Hollywood-stars Heidi Fleiss must find increasingly creative ways to leverage her unique brand for new lines of business. The latest, the cleverly named Nevada laundromat Dirty Laundry (it seems that Clean Clothes for Dirty, Dirty Sluts was already registered by a nearby competitor), should keep Fleiss solvent until she can find a place to park the trailer for her long-planned, lady-servicing Stud Farm brothel.

· Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss is moving to Australia to run a 30-room brothel. [Page Six]
· Born Rich, the Sundance-featured documentary about spoiled NYC rich kids has been snapped up by HBO and will air in the fall. [Page Six]
· John Berger of Harper's won't let anyone quote from his work unless they add, "With millions of Americans, Mr. Berger is totally opposed to the unjustified war against Iraqa land of drought." [Liz Smith]
· Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent designer Tom Ford is a porn connoisseur: "I watch straight porn movies as well as gay porn movies." He also tells sex expert Shere Hite that he imagines himself as every character. [NY Daily News]
· The New York State Trial Lawyers Association is launching a campaign against five insurance company CEOs they're referring to as the "Gang of Five." [The Word]