Ripping a page out Michael Lehmann's twisted cult classic Heathers, a Central Michigan University student allegedly tried to poison her roommate by putting bleach in her iced tea.

In a move The Hollywood Reporter bizarrely claims is part of a continuing push "into original scripted programming" (emphasis mine), Bravo announced today plans to reboot the 1988 dark comedy Heathers as a TV series set 20 years after the cult film.

Fox announced today that they're bringing the dead mean girls back from the grave for a small screen version of every hipster's favorite 1988 black comedy. So, what's their damage?

It seems that Heathers writer Daniel Waters is shoring up his cult following in the wake of Diablo Cody, Brad Ingelsby and newly crowned "it" scribe Tollbooth Guy. In a Los Angeles Times profile hailing his return, Waters digs deep and delivers the johnny-come-latelies a clear message: just because you wrote Hudson Hawk and Demolition Man, it doesn't mean you're not certifiably out-there. Defamer breaks down the methods of his madness, below (but be warned — only a person with the exact right balance of self-worth and self-loathing should attempt such a feat at home).