Not long after Poltergeist's late young star Heather O'Rourke lodged an official protest with God about MGM's forthcoming remake, we heard terrible rumors from Heaven that she was filing a follow-up about her likeness being used in a "stupid goddamn TV commercial from fucking Hell" (her words, not ours) whose makers she'd like to see Him smite even more swiftly and violently than new MGM hatchet man Vadim Perelman. Today we finally got a look at that commercial, which we really imagined couldn't be more just dirty celestial gossip made up by an ad man still bitter about OD-ing at his friend's birthday party a few weeks ago. But no — it was for real, right down to little Heather's starring role. A digital cameo in the remake is inevitably next, with her screen mother's enticements to "come to the light" met with O'Rourke's cleverly edited, product-placement-friendly resistance to approach anything that isn't Verizon's own "20db hot, true quam." Sometimes a girl just has to help herself. [DirectTV]

Poltergeist Enemy No. 1: After a forcefully (and surprisingly) angry appeal to God himself, late child star Heather O'Rourke is perched on the edge of her cloud bank today with an eye on Vadim Perelman, the director of self-serious melodrama including House of Sand and Fog, The Life Before Her Eyes who'll next helm MGM's planned remake of the 1982 horror/sci-fi classic Poltergeist. Production EVP Cale Boyter hours ago confirmed rumors that had been circulating since the weekend, issuing a statement saying: "We are excited to have Vadim direct Poltergeist, a title which already has a built-in movie-going audience. With his established track record, we look forward to having him lead the creative direction on this new character-based horror project that will utilize the original film as a jumping-off point." We, too, have contemplated higher, more fatal jumping-off points of our own at the thought of a remake. Still, our faith in young O'Rourke — who immortalized the original with her catchphrase "They're heeeere" before tragically passing away in 1988 — should, must win out in the end. Watch your ass, Perelman. [MGM]