Since many American seniors still believe that the explicit goal of ObamaCare is to kill them all, immediately, the government has hired 84-year-old Andy Griffith to explain all of the Medicare goodies they'll now receive before Obama kills them.

In this latest Breitbart-pushed Democratic Anger Video, we see Rep. Ciro Rodriguez freak out and slam some papers on a restaurant table after a lady accuses him of lying about health care reform. Why are all Democrats such monsters?

[Barack Obama deals with a pesky infiltrator during his briefing about health care reform at the White House today. Maybe they should budget more money for ointment. Image via Getty]

[Barack Obama's signature on his long-gestating health care reform bill, which he signed today. Image via The White House's Flickr]

Today in Weird Things the Health Care Bill Does: It requires all chain restaurants to post calorie and nutritional data for their horrible food! Yes, you will no longer be able to pretend that you are eating healthily.

Somebody yelled "Baby Killer" at pro-life Michigan Democrat Bart Stupak while he spoke against the anti-abortion amendment he proposed to the health care bill. Now the world wonders: Who is this heroic Baby Killer Guy? Update: It was a Texan!

Happy Health Care Reform! The Senate bill just passed the House: 219-212. No Republicans voted for the bill. There's still another vote on the Stupak Amendment, but, basically, health care has been reformed. Let's go get a pre-existing condition!

House Dems "have the votes now" and it's scheduled for tonight. Even abortion foe Bart Stupak is ready to vote 'yes.' Expect Republicans to go apeshit during today's floor debates, which are officially irrelevant except as a platform for venting.

Jesus. A panicked teabagger called up C-SPAN in tears today, worried that he accidentally killed Republican Sen. Jim Inhofe by praying for Democratic Sen. Robert Byrd to die. This is one of the saddest things ever to appear on C-SPAN.

The healthcare bill was held hostage by a cabal of bandit-senators who refused to vote for it unless they got cash money. Here's what a vote goes for these days.

After a weekend spent frantically preparing for a series of important health care votes, our nation's esteemed Senators are bickering, exhausted and undersexed. And about one bitch slap from breaking down on C-Span and begging to be sent home.

Jennifer Senior wrote a massive cover piece on the Obama communications machine for this week's issue of New York that is, to put it mildly, a nauseatingly fawning tribute to the communications genius of our president and his advisers.

Did you watch Barack Obama's big health care press conference tonight? We did! Did you learn anything new from it? Because we sure didn't!