A lawless goat—or a billy the kid, if you will—is currently in custody in New Jersey on a litany of charges, including disorderly behavior, trespass, and first-degree larceny (for stealing my damn heart.)

A Texas Walmart customer had issues with the way an employee prepared her tax return earlier this week, so they talked it out and amicably settled their differences like adults. Ha, just kidding: The customer headbutted the tax prep worker in the face, and the the two wrestled on the ground, clawing at each other's hair, until bystanders pulled them apart.