A BBC reporter delivered the giggling, high-as-fuck newscast of the year when he accidentally smoked the pile of burning heroin, opium, and hashish he was supposed to be reporting on.

Not one to let Fiona Apple's a bizarre, rambling statement concerning her recent arrest at a Texas border checkpoint for hash and marijuana possession go unretorted, the Hudspeth County Sheriff's Department Public Information Officer has released his own bizarre, rambling statement, calling Apple out for promising to make him and other department members "fucking famous any time you ask."