In case you hadn't heard, the most titillating story to come out of Cannes this year had nothing to do with film and everything to do with DJ/DUI heroine Sam Ronson allegedly playing tongue twister with her roomie and long-term girlfriend Lindsay Lohan. But after seeing the so-called scandalous pictures in question, we have yet to see this "liplock". We've given many a girlfriend a tipsy hug in our time and, well, that just does not a lesbian make. Not that our opinion matters — Michael Lohan's does! The wig-fetishizing Born Again has turned up to set the record straight once and for all: "[Their] relationship ‘is evident to anyone with half a brain...[Lindsay] is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God.'" Sure, Michael isn't the most reliable source to confirm that these two are in fact dating, but on the eve of the infamous photos of Lindsay passed out in the front seat of Sam's car, we attempt to analyze their often romantic, often turbulent relationship over the years.

Sometimes a new celebrity hookup will bare its ugly-bumping face, and you're just not sure who to feel sorrier for. Such is the case with Hair Club For Men member Jude Law and rebellious rock royalty Kimberly Stewart. The two were spotted "snogging" in a British dive bar, and fellow Guinness gulpers took advantage of the very touchy-feely moment to snap a few photos on their phone. But given Law's dating history, especially compared to Kim's laundry list of raggedy paramours, we have to wonder whether Jude simply thought the newly cropped quasi-star was Sienna through his beer goggles.

It's always cute when newbie stars brush off rumors about their love lives by calling them "silly" and saying "we're just good friends!" Fresh faces like Gossip Girl's blonde bombshell Blake Lively have yet to learn that making public denials like these mean only one thing: the rumors are true. Back in January, Lively said just that regarding tabloid stories linking her to on-screen make-out partner Penn Badgley (he's the hot-but-nerdy one, a la Seth Cohen on The OC). And shockingly (!), pictures released today prove not only that Blake and Penn have been fooling around poolside - in an uncanny rendition of Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer's beachy-keen gallery last week - but that they may actually make it after all.

New roommates Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are currently on a jaunt to Europe to shop, enjoy Paris in the springtime and to suck each other's blood. Seen out and about pretending to visit museums while really just trying on clothes and doing who-knows-what behind the dressing room doors, one half of the uber-couple made a wrong turn by flashing the paparazzi some neck. And while we haven't had to don a turtleneck to cover up hickeys in quite some time, memory serves to confirm that yes, one of the BFFs appears to be sporting one massive bite mark. So who's the sucker and who's the suckee?

Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer the new Demi and Ashton? After seeing these new photos taken in Miami while Jen continues filming Marley & Me, we're noticing several similarities between her new fling with the tattooed O-face master and the queen and prince of age-gap relationship success stories. Like Ashton was, John is a young, charming, bed-hopping bachelor, and just like Demi, Jennifer is an insanely hot divorced actress far more famous than her beau. The icing on the cougar cake? Just like the Moore-Kutchers, it all started with a bikini:

We rarely like to take a mental walk down memory lane when it comes to the Most Nauseating Celebrity Hookups of all time, but news of the latest addition has unfortunately led us to revisit the grotesque list. We’ve already seen Liza Minelli and Phantom Of The Plastic Surgery Ward David Gest exchange saliva, Star Jones give Al an awkward lap dance and guiltily pleasured ourselves by witnessing wrinkly charmer Hugh Hefner and his thin lips attach themselves to the Girls Next Door. But after reading about one beach yoga-practicing, SUV-abandoning actor known for generally annoying everyone in Hollywood, and one scratchy-voiced “punk” rock chick known for generally hating everyone in Hollywood playing tongue twister in LA this past Tuesday, we may have a winner. The canoodlers in question, and just how far they went, after the jump:

Just when we'd finally erased those awkward on-set pictures of Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn kneeling in the sand from our memory, Cameron Diaz has swooped in to kiss a co-star on the beach and remind us. Photo agency JFX snapped photos of the boy-crazy Diaz manhandling long-forgotten former hunk Jason Patric into a makeout session on the set of their film My Sister's Keeper, while co-star Sofia Vassileva looked on. And normally we'd assume Diaz and Patric were simply filming a scene, but the severe lack of make-up and styling, not to mention the severe presence of Jason's plumber butt, suggest the cameras weren't rolling at the time.