If there was one thing you could always count on, it was that if you, a red-blooded American male, were ever to experience the pain of hair loss, there would always be a strong, welcoming, American-owned Hair Club For Men for you to turn to. Well. Things have changed.

It may well be within the realm of human achievement to make an ad for Hair Club For Men that does not cause an involuntary shudder of revulsion. But this is not that ad. This is an ad where a bald man goes to Hair Club to grow a curly mullet, and is then fawned over by his own comely "stepdaughter." "Is that your stepdad...oh my gosh, he's not too bad looking!" Christ, why, why? All the disturbing subtext you can fit in one minute:

Remember those old, seemingly ubiquitous ads for the Hair Club for Men with the guy who wasn't just the president, he was also a client? Of course you do, they were everywhere. Then, they just kind of disappeared. The anti-balding industry had faded. Until now! Last night an only slightly apologetic contestant on Fox's Moment of Truth admitted to being a member of the Club. I could never have guessed from the the big, bushy pine cone sitting atop his forehead. This morning "Hair Club for Men" is one of the hottest searches on Google. Also, the New York Times ran a story today about the recent upsurge of that other bald dude juggernaut, Rogaine. Their new success is mostly due to some sort of icky foam. Here we have an ad for the product which, for the first time ever, the Times reports, is being directly marketed to gay men. Well, on the Logo channel. So about twelve gay men. Maybe the Hair Club for Men is doing the same thing, because that guy? On the show last night? Uh, let's just say that if he gets to the $500,000 question next episode, it just might start with "A" and end with "re you a homosexual?" Awkward! But with beautiful hair!