Right at the moment you need to start wearing a cup for times when your friend decides to run across the room hurling objects at your family jewels.

Poor Guitar Hero. All they want to do is show cartoons of rock stars bouncing around and having fun, and now everyone's gotta get all uptight about it.

As any Master of the Universe can tell you, the key to success is an ability to multi-task. And to always be talking into a phone so you look busy and important, especially when hot girls are around.

Well, if Gus Van Sant's rockstar suicide porn Last Days wasn't vicarious enough for you, you can now play as a Kurt Cobain-like character in Guitar Hero 5, replete with the infamous Daniel Johnston shirt. Via Fimoculous, game trailer below.

Eran Egozy and Alex Rigopulos, the MIT-educated creators of Guitar Hero and Rock Band, have earned a $150 million bonus from Viacom, whose MTV unit bought the game. The pair are on track to earn an even bigger bonus in 2009. (Photo by Newsweek/John Huet)

While conducting interviews at the VMAs yesterday, the nearby booth advertising Rock Band 2 was the cacophonous bane of our existence — though no one was more unhappy to see it than director Brett Ratner. As you may recall, the Defamer-beloved auteur (and big penis enthusiast) aspires to direct a film adaptation based on Rock Band's rival video game franchise, Guitar Hero. Since the idea continues to boggle our minds, we knew we had to venture a question, even if the resulting Defamer-on-Ratner interaction threatened to spin the world off its axis. Fortunately, the Rush Hour 3 helmer was every bit the gentleman. We blame the heatstroke. [MTV]

Art-eschewing, mainstream-tentpole- project-maker Brett Ratner's love for the video game sensation known as the Guitar Hero knows no bounds. His obsession with the instrument sim and its groupie-nailing expansion packs stems back to his formative years at NYU film school, when he'd busk in Washington Square Park, playing as many Police songs as he could using the four notes he was capable of eliciting from a harmonica. The first time he picked up Hero, it gave him the same quaternary musical thrill ("Smoke on the Water," for example, became a four-color kaleidoscopic "red red blue/green green blue blue/red red green/ yelllooowww"), and he since has gone about incorporating the game into many of his smaller projects—everything from Miley Cyrus videos to Mariah Carey videos. But an actual Guitar Hero movie? He'd love a crack, he told MTV Multiplayer:

Why must Lindsay Lohan always dress as if she's Steven Tyler's illegitimate daughter? Sobriety is a good thing and all, but maybe she should save outfits like that for when you're wailing away on "Guitar Hero" in the privacy of your own home.

· As we gaze at the Bassett Hound literally taking a dump in the middle of the three-way intersection outside the window of Defamer HQ-2 (a Christmas miracle!), we think fondly of Defamer videographer Molly, who is away today. We therefore had no choice but to plunder from the tidily wrapped video gifts beneath the tree of our more affluent cousins over at Jezebel. Look, everyone! It's Charo singing "Feliz Nablahblah" on the Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special!
· 'Tis the season to be breathalyzered: In what is unlikely to be the last celeb DUI of the year, Boy Meets World's Topanga was picked up for drunk driving.

Always on the lookout for a hotly anticipated videogame-launch soirée at which to ply herself with complimentary libations and mingle with the stars of major network television series, undaunted Defamer PartyWatcher Ann penetrated the Guitar Hero III party Saturday night. Located on the roof of a Pico Blvd. Best Buy—soon to rival Les Deux as Hollywood's most aggressively selective social destination—photographer Maggie Serrano tagged along to capture all facets of the decadent, shredding-for-dummies proceedings. Ann's report, and a photo gallery, follow after the jump: