Greece: a proud nation. A nation with a long history (Socrates???). An unpretentious nation that supports itself by exporting a single brilliant idea: Greek yogurt. We hate to see the Proud Greek People viciously assaulted by xenophic corporate propaganda.

Okay—so it says here that skyr from Iceland thinks it is going to be the next big yogurt? Oh please—yeah right. Good luck—go fuck yourselves.

The War in Afghanistan has lost the War for America's Imagination to the War for Greek Yogurt Supremacy. Though the latest dispatches from Kabul bore us to tears, we can't get enough news of the latest yogurt flavor combinations. Have you heard this Yoplait bullshit?

Chobani CEO Hamdi Ulukaya is called "the Steve Jobs of yogurt." Yeah, the Steve Jobs of garbage yogurt.

The vast majority of the U.S. economy is now supported by purchases of inferior Greek yogurt. Americans love the shit. But are you aware of... Greek Yogurt's Dark Side???

I've never been to Greece, or to one of those "fancy" grocery stores, but that doesn't stop me from being an expert on Greek yogurt, excluding the kinds actually made in Greece and the kinds sold in "fancy" grocery stores. Real American Greek yogurt, is what I'm talking about. And if there's one thing I know besides Real American Greek yogurt, it's that Americans do not know what kind of Greek yogurt they should be eating.